Installing tracking devices in dogs just looks silly now. Japanese toy maker Tomy Co. Ltd. launched a new product called “Wonderful Shot” yesterday at a cost of 9,240 yen (87 dollars). It can take pictures from the device and allow you to view the world from a “dog’s point of view.” As evident in the picture, dogs find this really exciting and wonder how they lived without it for so long. The camera also has an optional shocking feature, allowing you to easily deliver 140 volts of electricity to the dog if they are doing something wrong. The self explosion feature, which kills the dog on impact, was developed alongside the product, but never actually implemented in any of the devices. Plans are in the making for a “Wonderful Shot” hybrid with satellite connection allowing you to record real-time videos from the dogs point of view. Think about how exciting that would be, 24 hours of footage a day available in dog vision! Unfortunately, dog voyeurists outside of Japan will not be able to enjoy this wonderful luxury as the Tomy Co. has no plans to export the product.

When no one else will take blame for the missing 380 tons of explosives in Iraq, certainly sercurity officer John Clemmor will. “I just wanted to apologize for the lost 380 tons of explosives that has gone missing in Iraq,” said John. “It’s kind of my fault I guess, I was supposed to be guarding it and stuff. I was really caught up that day in this Danielle Steel novel I was reading.” John said he was sorry and wouldn’t let it happen again. John’s friend Roger, also a security expert in the military, had some kind words about John. “John really is a great guy. It’s true, he is a little drifty at times, especially when he is engaged in those Danielle Steel novels. He reads those books like they are going out of style.”

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US sports tycoon Malcolm Glazer, who now owns nearly 28% of Manchester Utd, has ended talks with the club over a few issues. United said Mr Glazer’s proposed move was “not in the best interests” of the club because it relied too much on borrowed money. Also, it doesn’t help that Glazer appears to be a large version of a leprechaun on crack. “He really is scary looking. We don’t want him to represent United. Shave the fricking scary beard and get your teeth whitened for crying out loud,” stated the club. United said that they intended “to have further discussions with the Glazer family and other interested shareholders once they are able to deal with Glazer’s appearance.” It is up in the air when this could be.

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The latest tech sensation is blogging, a new form of media that is sweeping the internet with it’s cold and sweaty hands. No doubt, the hundreds of new bloggers that pop up daily can attest to this. Blogging is huge! However, many people don’t realize the hazardous and possibly deadly addiction that it is to blog.

A correspondent of Blue Damage caught up with Michael Jimberly, roommate of Tom Burgess who recently died blogging. Michael recalls the beginning days of Tom’s blog addiction. “It started off quite innocent. He would come home from work, spend a few minutes writing on his blog and he would be finished,” Michael said. “Then he started to change. He would be blogging for hours upon hours a day, it was quite scary.”

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There has been a conspiracy theory floating around the internet since the presidential debates began. According to some pictures taken of George Bush from behind, there is a suspicion that he was using a wireless (wifi) receiver during the debates. Many are convinced that there is no other explanation for the noticeable bulge in the middle of his upper back.

Let’s face it. If the president was going to use a wireless receiver during the debates, do you think he would be a bit more discrete about it? Across the internet, bloggers and reporters have apparently found the device used and linked to the page. This page labels the product as “affordable.” Do you really think that George Bush doesn’t have the budget to purchase, maybe, an “expensive” wifi unit? When was the last time you recall Bush worrying about a budget anyway? Do you think that maybe John Kerry wears one too and the receiver is tucked away under his taint? Who cares! Both of them look like complete assholes, and a wireless device won’t save them from that. Well, you may be asking, “What is that in the pictures then?” Here’s my theory.

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With his opposition to stem cell research, Bush has killed Superman. That’s right, Christopher Reeves is dead because George Bush is against stem cell research. Not only will his opposition put us years behind the world in terms of medical technology, but it will also kill many other superheroes with life threatening physical conditions in the process.

Vartox, extraterrestrial of the planet Valeron, was at first an enemy of Superman. “I haven’t been on Earth for quite some time, but, I was shocked to hear the news,” said Vartox. “Would Bush wake up already? Stem cell research is the future of medicine.” Lex Luthor, long time enemy of Superman was happy with the news. “I couldn’t have asked for a greater gift from my good friend George,” salivates Lex. “I think I want to form some sort of coalition of evil in the following months with him.”

While interviewing Lex, he was killing newborn kittens and eating them… just for fun. His giant poster of George Bush eerily gazed down at us. Lex asked us to stay a bit cause Dick Cheney was coming by to hang out and kill puppies like the one above. He also talked about accidentally shooting “liberal” lawyers like Harry Whittington, a ironic way to feed the gun control nuts so they don’t pay attention to the widespread corruption in both parties. We decided it was time to go.

Authorities were shocked today when they finally located and arrested a young boy by the name of Frederick Murdong who was residing in Tampa, Florida. Frederick was accused of murdering Doc Phillips, a neighbor of a openly different faith (Mormon). Sheriff Bob Wilson told us, “Apparently, Frederick had killed Doc over religious differences. This is the first time we have actually heard of such a case involving killing and religion.” Alarming indeed. Where religion was once a thing to bring different cultures together in harmony, it is sad to see people now killing over such a thing.

Frederick, an avid catholic, was known for his suspicious behavior. After struggling with alcholism and a terrible crystal meth addiction for over 30 years, he finally began to believe in God. “He was such a good person, I don’t see why he would just snap like this,” said his wife Barbara. “I mean, couldn’t he have killed a Jehovah’s Witness instead?” While it is quite surprising that someone would kill in the name of religion, we can only hope that this trend won’t continue.

Have any of you viewed the latest presidential debate? It seems that you can never really get a straight answer about who really won. Let’s face it, the reviews of these debates are quite slanted and biased. Here’s a quick rundown of what really happened during the debates, courtesy of Distracted on the Blue Distortion Forums. Here is the original thread.

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