When no one else will take blame for the missing 380 tons of explosives in Iraq, certainly sercurity officer John Clemmor will. "I just wanted to apologize for the lost 380 tons of explosives that has gone missing in Iraq," said John. "It's kind of my fault I guess, I was supposed to be guarding it and stuff. I was really caught up that day in this Danielle Steel novel I was reading." John said he was sorry and wouldn't let it happen again. John's friend Roger, also a security expert in the military, had some kind words about John. "John really is a great guy. It's true, he is a little drifty at times, especially when he is engaged in those Danielle Steel novels. He reads those books like they are going out of style."

"I'm not really going to sweat the whole thing to be honest," John said. "Tommorrow is another day and I'm going to put this whole thing behind me." Apparently, the explosives can be used to produce missile warheads, demolish buildings, detonate nuclear weapons or act as a fashionable accessory to the terrorist concerned about looking their best. These explosives, once located at Al Qaqaa, a sensitive former military installation, could be anywhere! President Bush assured the American public that he has no idea what the hell everyone is talking about or what he is doing. He beat around the issue when questioned. "Explosives?" exclaimed Bush. "You mean like explosive fun like marshmallow cupcakes? Albatross?"