Frightening the community of New Haven, Connecticut, Kiducation released it’s collection boxes across the city. These collection boxes feature the phrase “we turn old clothing into new kids through education” labeled under the company’s name. We found it strange that they could genetically spawn new children from old clothing using education. We spoke with Mike Brown, part-time volunteer for the organization about their procedures. “Yeah, it’s a new practice involving creating children from old clothes. I know it sounds evil, but, our company is good at heart.” We then asked Mike how education plays a part in the process. “Well, a bunch of us were sitting around one day with some old clothes. Using education that we had learned over the years, we were able to take an old flannel and spawn a new kid named Frank. There he is over there.” We looked over, and sure enough, a young boy was waving back. He looked quite normal and, ironically, was not wearing anything flannel.

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We have been receiving a lot of email lately about the information apocalypse, which deals with the internet crashing or the internet disappearing completely. While we doubt that this will ever happen, some people want to be on top of things in case this ever does. We don’t blame you! Yes, people want a backup of the internet. This may sound like a joke, but, it’s for real.

What good is the internet if it disappears? It’s not like anyone is archiving the entire internet as we speak. That’s why we have written this quick guide on how to back up the internet with the beginner in mind. Before we get started, make sure you have the necessary items to complete this task. You will need a computer, an internet and some floppy disks.

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This is a joke. If you feel like being entertained, read on. Otherwise, check the comment here.

An administrator of the Blue Distortion Forums has taken Search Engine Optimization (SEO) a bit too far for phpBB. We met up with this administrator to see what approach he is taking and ask him a few questions. “Well, most of the search engines don’t like dynamic php pages [such as viewtopic.php?t=1] as much as static, html pages. I decided that, the easiest way to do this, is to just have everyone email me their topics and replies to topics and I will hand code all of the threads,” said the administrator. “I really can’t think of an easier way. It seems like it will be quite efficient. I think I’m going to start sometime next week.”

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The most important trials ever held in Iraq is undoubtedly those against Saddam and his evil regime. However, the trial just became a little more worrisome for prosecutors. Vital evidence for the forthcoming trials of the ousted president Saddam Hussein and other officials, has been lost or tainted. Everyone agrees that security expert John Clemmor is to blame. “I really do apologize for this. I mean, those documents were right here, like, a couple days ago,” John stated. With a cool glass of lemonade spritzer in one hand and his Danielle Steel novel in the other, John didn’t look too concerned.

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In a turn of events that shocked both the right and the left, Nader swept the presidential ballot like those neat Swiffer Sweepers that shoot that cleaning solution. Those things are fricking great. It was a landslide victory, with Nader taking almost 80% of the votes nationwide. Nader even took Texas. “I had no idea I could win this election. I mean, I don’t even have a plan for what I’m going to do as president,” Nader chuckled. “I have a few good ideas, but, that’s about it right now.”

Apparently, by the outcome of this election, Americans are sick and tired of having to choose between two evil parties that are both detrimental to the very essence of our country. They are sick of being sold out by corporate interests and the corruption that comes with greed in the Republican and Democratic parties. Seriously.

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