Facts about the Loch Ness Monster
We have been doing a lot of research on the Loch Ness Monster in the last few days. We have been trying to get an interview with Ness, however, his schedule is booked for the next few weeks. Here are some cold hard facts that we have discovered through random interviews, research and plenty of alcohol.
01. The Loch Ness Monster is real.
02. Prefers to be called Ness for short.
03. Doesn’t like photographers or scuba divers.
04. Gets depressed around the holidays.
05. Eats small children between the ages of 3-7.
06. Sometimes he cries.
07. Once saved an young boy from getting mugged, then promptly ate him afterward (see 5).
08. Thinks Tekken 3 was the best 1 on 1 fighting game ever.
09. Hates Macintosh computers with a passion. Even hates Ipods.
10. Experimented a bit with LSD in college.
11. Doesn’t drink anymore.
12. Likes to do prank phone calls to the local fisherman.
13. Doesn’t live in the ocean or a lake all the time; lives in New Jersey during the summer.
14. Sometimes eats fish. Only Nova on a Everything Bagel with chive cream cheese.
15. Would prefer a quiet night a home over going out.
16. Polishes the monster daily, if you know what I mean.
17. Thinks your mom is way hot.
18. Likes to wail on guitars. Hard.
19. Isn’t really into internet.
20. Listens only to atmospheric neurofunk, as long as it’s not too techy.
If you have any more information on the Loch Ness Monster, or, have spoken to him personally, please leave a comment.
16 Comments »
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I’ve met the Loch Ness Monster on many occasions. He was interested in my Mom. His incessant wailing on the guitar would keep me up all hours of the night. He isn’t as magical as everyone makes him out to be.
Comment by Barry — 12/1/04 @ 6:12 pm
the lochness does not exist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by adde — 7/5/05 @ 8:53 am
nesse is a fake you can’t prove you saw nesse
Comment by adeeeee — 7/5/05 @ 8:54 am
Ness is a icthyosexual. My clownfish and him have been getting it on for the last 2 months. He digs the sea cucumber, you know?
Comment by doombadoom — 7/25/05 @ 1:40 am
It must be so lonely for Nessie, all alone in a great big loch. No wonder he slips himself the sea cucumber every so often.
Comment by Robert Marley — 2/5/06 @ 4:37 pm
Okay do u guys have anything better to do then make up this comments? Well whatever, but i think it’s possible that nessie could exist because scientists have proven that sharks are prehistoric animals that have amazingly survived the Meteor that distroyed all dinasuars. They have also found fossils of a dinasuar that looks somewhat like Nessie. Therefore, I believe that she could be real, but then again scientists have been wrong before.
Comment by unknown — 4/26/06 @ 5:01 pm
i am doing a project on the loch ness monster and i came onto this website i found nothing it is crap
Comment by Brooke Mcnamara — 6/23/06 @ 4:14 pm
horrible dumb ass!
Comment by a — 1/22/08 @ 7:02 pm
I agree! Fuck this site!
Comment by Recipher — 2/22/08 @ 4:58 pm
hey i have to agree on this one that she or he could have survived but then if it likes to rock an roll why doesn’t she make a band that would make the news for sure!!!!!!
Comment by rob — 4/22/08 @ 8:51 am
this crap is not real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dang
Comment by jared — 5/20/08 @ 8:25 am
I totally agree on the guitar thing lol
Comment by Alex — 3/18/09 @ 1:20 pm
ahah retards
Comment by lolo — 6/5/09 @ 7:34 am
this site is the shit
Comment by max — 12/9/09 @ 5:19 pm
leave me alone
Comment by unknown — 5/20/10 @ 3:02 pm
can’t any of you be nicer to the poor shit face monster?
Comment by jenna — 5/20/10 @ 3:02 pm