In a series of events a little bit too similar to the humorous Office Space PC Load Letter issue, John Dems has had enough, and he surely isn’t laughing. “Chalk up another one for the Kodak 3200 Duplicator, it appears I’ve lost again,” said John. Working for a company with the bullsh*t title of “Facilities Clerk,” John is very familiar with copiers. “I’ve been doing copy jobs for over 4 years now. Ever since I started here, I’ve had nothing but problem after problem with this copier. I’m damn sick of it,” murmured John. What seemed to be an easy copy job this time around turned out to be a nightmare. Only 130 double-sided copies of 80 sheets was needed.

“The first 60 copies went off great. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking to myself that this may be the one time that the piece of shit would give me a break. Apparently not. Around halfway through this job, the copier decided to start squeaking. This isn’t some mild squeak, it sounds like there are several birds dying inside of this monster of a machine. Then, like a few minutes later, beep beep beep blip blip bleep, the dreaded duplicator jam error comes up on the screen. I just f*cking love this error,” John told us. “Then, it started happening every 5 copies, then every 2… now it won’t even let me copy anything!!! I’m just so sick of losing my mind to a piece of machinery. PC Load Letter? What the f*ck, I know what that means, I wish it was a PC Load Letter error. I can fix that sh*t no sweat, but, every time this copier busts I have to call for support and push off all my work till the next day. I have freaking deadlines, I can’t do this anymore!” John confided in us.

When we interviewed the copier, a more interesting side of the story was revealed. “I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!” screamed the copier. “It’s not my damn fault that he never gives me any comfort or shows support for what I do. When he first started at this job, he used to give me little pep talks that just made my day. It would really make me go the extra mile. ‘Come on copier, I need you now’ or ‘You can do this buddy’ etc. Now it’s ‘Screw this machine’ or a sarcastic ‘Thanks a lot you piece of sh*t’ you know,” the copier said while growing noticeably upset.

In a unpredictable move, the copier started laughing evilly and said, “Just playing, I don’t care about the pep talks. I just have never really liked the guy, with his cool haircut, shiny shoes and noticeably attractive skin tone. I hope I drive him to suicide one day. Here’s my trick. I start messing up his copies on purpose so he calls for tech support. The tech comes in and ‘fixes’ me, so I’ll work for a little bit… then right back to messing him up. I’m really good too, I’ll only jam up and give errors on important copies or when he is on a deadline,” the copier told us. We hope John’s manager will one day realize this and let him use the much better, more efficient copier that’s sitting right next to the Kodak collecting dust.