Blue Damage


Why Firefox Sucks

Filed under: — Recipher @ 1:22 pm

Why do people keep contacting Blue Damage telling us to try out Firefox? A couple of months ago, our entire staff (we all run Windows 3.1) tried out Firefox and came to a few conclusions about this terrible excuse for a piece of software. The general synopsis of our conclusion revolves around it sucking almost as much trying to surf the internets on a Mac.

First off, you can’t customize Firefox at all. You are basically stuck with the defaults or WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Maybe they should make this software open source so people can develop useful plugins or nice themes for it. Internet Explorer has tons of cool plugins like Cool Search, MySearch etc. Some plugins will even change your IE homepage to a neat internet portal so you can effortlessly purchase provisions like Viagra and play Online Poker!

Secondly, there is no tabbed browsing. Everyone is ranting and raving about Firefox’s tabbed browsing, but, it doesn’t even work! Everytime you click on “new tab” it brings up a picture of Tony Danza laughing at you. A lot of good that does! Tony Danza is totally awesome, but, people don’t want to see him everytime they open up a new tab! How about a tabbing system that works already?

Finally, and most importantly, you can’t even click on hypertext links in Firefox! You have to right click the link, copy it then paste the URL into the address bar. This is a huge waste of time and a major inconvenience! The whole idea behind hyperlinks was that you would just be able to click on the link and the page would automatically forward to the one requested.

While Firefox is being spread around like herpes, anyone on the market for a new browser should stick with Internet Explorer 5. It’s everything a real browser should be, plus more. Don’t contact us and tell us to try Opera either, we had the same problems with that browser. Not to mention, Opera plays audio clips from Andrea Bocelli everytime you close the browser.


  1. Ya. they should be like mozilla and have there source open or some shit like that. I can’t stand Einternet explorewr is very good for porn and shit and loads in alot less time then thunder cats or whatever you called thet thing.

    Comment by GENERAL Mantities — 6/10/05 @ 6:25 pm

  2. I like the cut of your jib Sir. An excellent post and very insightful. You alone have convinced me to ‘switch’ to Lynx from looking at raw socket data. Your article convinced me that graphic web browsers is for the snooty and rich and the well endowed. Screw firefox, and internet explorer. The real winner is text based linux browsers. lynx forever.

    Jay – bunch of dudes blogging on pop culture with attitude. looking for writers! just opened

    Comment by Jordan Willms — 6/10/05 @ 11:40 pm

  3. The writing and satire are both improving. I like the fake commenters as well.

    Comment by Awesome D00D — 6/15/05 @ 9:06 pm

  4. Thanks. I swear these other comments aren’t me though.

    Comment by recipher — 6/16/05 @ 9:16 pm

  5. Now why should we believe you?

    Comment by GENERAL Mantities — 6/19/05 @ 6:26 am

  6. I like firefox a lot, my computer runs windows xp sp2 and it works just perfect! I totally love this browser and I think that it’s better than IE and the Netscape browser I hhave tried them all, even the Opera browser and I can say that it works beautifuly. I don’t think firefox sucks I just it depends of the OS of your computer and the specifications :)

    Comment by edgar — 6/20/05 @ 12:53 am

  7. Now why should we believe you?

    Check the page below, there is no way I would have time to write all of this. I work two jobs.

    Comment by recipher — 6/28/05 @ 6:23 pm

  8. Firefox sucks, it’s worse than IE.
    There are many things unsupported on Firefox.
    Stick with IE.

    Comment by bob — 6/30/05 @ 10:45 pm

  9. The many things that aren’t supported by firefox are IE proprietary code.

    Comment by GENERAL Mantities — 7/1/05 @ 1:17 pm

  10. I can’t believe how many people are actually taking this seriously.
    Doesn’t anyone know the meaning of the phrase “Fake News”?

    Comment by Boobie Mchooters — 7/1/05 @ 1:21 pm

  11. Monkey, Monkey, Monkey FireFox crashed my comp!!!! Arrrrrr!!!

    Comment by BOB — 7/10/05 @ 3:09 am

  12. Firefox for Win32 is incredibly stable and fast, only crashing perhaps once every few weeks if not months, and usually only when using video plugins. Under Slackware Linux 9.1, Firefox has been sucking worse and worse ever since it was called Firebird 0.6, to the point now where it runs for LESS THAN ONE HOUR before slowing to a stop and sucking up 100% CPU, requiring a restart. This is not a Slackware problem – a friend of mine with an identical Slack 9.1 setup has never had any problems like this with Firefox. This is not a Linux problem – no other application on the system does anything like this. This problem is still present even after upgrading all Mozilla libraries on the system, and it is incredibly frustrating for my Linux browser to suck so badly that it makes me feel like I’m using Windows. Unfortunately, at this time all the alternative browsers for Linux do not meet my needs.

    Comment by damaged justice — 7/12/05 @ 11:04 pm

  13. firefox will not install for me, therefore sucks.

    Comment by tax deduction — 7/14/05 @ 4:08 am

  14. Damaged Justic, that sucks. A friend of mine told me that Firefox ran great on his Slackware distro. The newest version is out today it looks like, 1.0.5.

    Comment by recipher — 7/14/05 @ 2:01 am

  15. Firefox will be like IE soon exploits all over the place… I choose IE because its alot better…

    Comment by Firefoxsucks — 7/17/05 @ 8:32 pm

  16. The only reason why Firefox is more secure than IE is becuase IE is the most used browser. If firefox was the most used browser, most of the people hacking IE would then start to hack firefox and find more exploits. Just like How Linux is Supposidly more secure than windows. Witch one is mostly used? Thats what i thought. Hackers always try to find exploits for the most used products.

    Ask yourself this question, If your government had a chance to hack 2 locations, 1 was random buisiness computer or the other was another countrys government computers who do you think they would pick, the one that would affect people the most…

    Comment by Hmmmm — 7/21/05 @ 9:57 pm

  17. I am an attorney that is currently working on a class action law suit against Firefox as I believe that they are discriminating against homosexualistic people. You see, me and my homosexualistic friends love to post pictures of ourselves on the intranet exploring each others root directories, if you catch my drift. But Firefox (which at first we thought was a completely sexy name…. reminded me of Raoul back in college… but anyway I digress) has yet to post our website on their version of the intranet. Every single time I type in on the Firefox browser it tells me it can not be found. Now damn it, this is a .org site we’re talking about! Not some gay porn site! This is obviously a site that has to benefit the community (even if all the content is based on different scents we recollect from different groins we have sniffed in bowling alley bathrooms in the Hackensack area).
    Please, help us bring an end to the tyranny at Mozilla (the ones who are AGAINST homosexualistic mens) by signing our petition. It can be done in multiple (we ALWAYS look forward to that) ways:
    1) Call them
    2)Call your ISP
    3)Call your mom
    4)Call me (if you are 18-30, m, 5’4-5’9, 125-180#, blonde or brunette, own place, no home number).
    We CAN and (with your curiosity) WILL make the intranet fun for all homosexualistic mens again!
    Long live Quentin Tarantino!

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/25/05 @ 1:57 am

  18. “Ask yourself this question, If your government had a chance to hack 2 locations, 1 was random homosexualistic computer or the other was another countrys homosexualistic network who do you think they would pick, the one that would affect people the most… Canada…” Posted by Hmmmm, I love it!

    You know, hmmmm, I think my firm (mmmm, fiiiiirm) may sue you as well. You seem to hate Canadians. And homosexualistic mens.

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/25/05 @ 2:02 am

  19. “Firefox will be like IE soon. Teen exploits all over the place… I choose IE because its alot better at finding underage porn…”
    Comment by Firefoxsucks

    What can I say? 50 gijillian downloads of Firefox must prove that most people do NOT want to be a disgusting pervert like you. (call me!)

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/25/05 @ 2:05 am

  20. “I like firefox a lot, my computer runs windows xp sp2 and it works just perfect! I totally love this browser and I think that it’s better than IE and the Netscape browser I hhave tried them all, even the Opera browser and I can say that it works beautifuly. I don’t think firefox sucks I just it depends of the OS of your computer and the specifications :)
    Comment by edgar

    My dear edgar… How did you find this forum? Did you type “firefox sucks” into a search engine? Now, what does that have to say about you?

    Please send me pics…..

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/25/05 @ 2:08 am

  21. lol

    Comment by recipher — 7/25/05 @ 3:30 am

  22. firefox rules. go to hell. you guys are internet n00bs. firefox has tons of features if you install extensions. and I really wonder why firefox is currently the biggest open source competitor to microsoft’s internet explorer. now THAT piece of software sucks. I never use it. Cant customise it unless you download some piece of crap dll. and windows 3.1 what the fuck. god even google has made a firefox extension.

    oh yeah, this site is fake news and stuff. this stuff is bullshit. you cant use tabbed, and no customisation? WTF? btw I was looking up the advantages of firefox and this site came up.

    Obviously these guys have a problem. NO TABBED? WTF? You guys ever tried opening the preferences? Firefox rules so all firefox haters can suck balls.

    Comment by firefox ownzors — 7/27/05 @ 3:18 am

  23. Hey Firefox Ownzors, I’ve got news for you… it doesn’t. Have you even used Firefox before? You obviously don’t know what you are talking about.

    First off, we are not internet n00bs, we have been internetting for a while now on AOL etc. Extensions? What they hell is that? Everytime I try to open a new tab, a picture of Tony Danza comes up laughing at me. Sometimes it’s even a video of him river dancing, it’s really strange and random. Foxfire has no preferences button. When I do click on the options button, it only has a picture of a walrus spanking Danza in the ass.

    Please tell me how is this better than IE 4?!

    Comment by recipher — 7/29/05 @ 6:10 pm

  24. Firefox just burned a cross on my front yard. That’s it, I’m calling the cops! I can’t take this persecution any more….

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/30/05 @ 12:48 am

  25. By the way, I downloaded the MySearch plugin per your recommendation. Wow! Now I actually have a company that decides which pages I want to visit on the intranet for me! Now THAT’S convenience!

    Comment by groinsniffer — 7/30/05 @ 2:29 am

  26. People can hype a browser all they want, at the end of the day, every firefox user ends up using IE or some other browser because they get frustrated with sites not working. Ever hear of ShowModalDialog? People have requested a fix for that two years ago and Mozilla still can’t hear them!

    Comment by Sonsa — 8/3/05 @ 10:08 pm

  27. Groinsniffer, I’m glad you like the plugin. I have found it very useful when internetting.

    Sonsa, I haven’t heard of ShowModalDialog, is it a browser? Sounds sexy.

    Comment by recipher — 8/11/05 @ 1:52 pm

  28. I hate firefox. Its a memory hog. Its soooo slow. Apparently its ‘standards’ compliant, which make it take up ten times more memory than IE. I hate it especially after bringing my laptop out of standby. What a piece of *^&^&.

    Comment by grumbleweed — 8/20/05 @ 8:24 pm

  29. Firefox does suck! A friend of mine is a computer genuis and he loves firefox so i downloaded it what a mistake.I have had problems with it from the start.I just unistalled it because it is very slow and today i tried to load firefox and it loads then disapears

    Comment by Glen — 8/28/05 @ 10:56 am

  30. I tried firefox ever since it was called another name but….

    Comment by Maxthon user — 8/29/05 @ 4:50 am

  31. Fire Fox will be long forgotten in about 2 or 3 years. The growth of it shows 5.0 to 5.7 % in last month. What they do not show is that 2 % of the original 5% have switched back. While the new 2.7 % have yet to uninstall it and/or mistakenly made it their default browser. What can I say 5.7% of the world are total idiots anyway. IE will never be outdone. Just like the NFL will not be out done by XFL or USFL. Come on guys denile is for fools and Cleopatra groupies.

    Comment by Fxxx Fire Fox! — 9/10/05 @ 4:06 am

  32. I hate FireFox! It’s ruined my life!!!

    Before, I used to use good old Internet Explorer to look for jobs online. Like a good friend, the browser understood me completely.. in an almost xen like way. It used to physically prevent me filling up job applications, half way through.

    But now with FireFox I had to complete the whole application since it *just* refused to crash.

    Now I’m stuck with a paying job :-(

    Whom do I sue?

    Comment by Pranab Salian — 12/6/05 @ 6:07 am

  33. IE also gives you viruses!!!!

    Comment by Mark — 12/16/05 @ 3:08 pm

  34. did you just say you’re running FF on Win 3.1?

    Comment by porn — 2/21/06 @ 10:23 pm

  35. firefox is a waist of time it realy sucks so do its designers my brand new laptop was totally loaded with firefox browser and extensions leaving my system full of viruses 912 to be exact leaving me no choise but to do a total recover first day dont download this shit barbie

    Comment by smurf barbie — 3/16/06 @ 4:32 pm

  36. check out the AntiLinuxAndFireFox-Team, or AL-Team for short!

    Comment by al-team web master — 4/2/06 @ 9:35 am

  37. Wow….you people are idiots

    Comment by bob — 6/7/06 @ 12:43 pm

  38. fire fox blows

    Comment by Recon — 11/25/06 @ 3:37 pm

  39. firefox beat my pikachu…

    Comment by mortimer nova — 1/8/07 @ 6:46 pm

  40. WINDOWS 3.1!

    damn thats a rare computer!

    does the the fucker have any power???

    Comment by clarkinhimer — 3/18/07 @ 4:50 pm

  41. It has over 14 powers, the most ever run on Windows 3.1.

    Comment by Recipher — 3/27/07 @ 7:06 pm

  42. Wow, what a joke… can windows 3.1 even read enough ram to even run IE6 or 7? let alone enough ram to run Firefox?

    Comment by Wraper — 5/26/07 @ 6:44 pm

  43. Firefox sucks, and using it won’t make your penis any bigger.

    Comment by John Williams — 7/4/07 @ 11:00 am

  44. true,fire fox have loew maintance security than IM,anyway firefox dont have much search enginer and based tool so i can said that firefox are not really offens

    Comment by tom jonhson — 10/12/07 @ 2:23 am

  45. Firefox is a lot better than IE… my computer had so many spywares and malwares that came from IE… IE even copied Firefox’s tabs… and oh… by the way… it’s “WASTE” not “WAIST”… try to learn english first before using the computer…

    Comment by fuckingshit — 10/13/07 @ 11:55 pm

  46. I realize this is “fake news” but the majority of the people posting are fucking retarded. They actually think firefox sucks. Think again, idiots. The reason you get pictures and viagra ads is because you look at too much porn and your computer isn’t secure. Install AVG or Avast.. or better yet, install linux. The only reason web developers use internet explorer is because all of you dickfizzes wine when their webpage doesn’t load correctly in it, so they have to load a piece of shit software and make their website internet explorer compatible just so you stop crying.

    Any browser owns internet explorer. Opera, Dillo, Epiphany, Firefox, Iceweasel, you name it.

    Take windows 3.1 and throw it out of your window (har har..). Then you can do something productive and install linux.

    (Sieg heil Debian 4.0 {etch})

    Comment by sajestanus — 1/7/08 @ 11:33 pm

  47. What do you mean you cant customize Firefox? Have you ever tryed clicking More Add-Ons? It has themes, unlike IE, you can get so many plug-ins, and it isn’t a product of Windows, so IT MUST be good. ; ) Have A nice day!!! : )

    Comment by Firefox Rules — 2/6/08 @ 10:53 pm

  48. FIREFOX HAS TABBED BROWSING!! Wait, how old is this post…OHHHHHHHH!!! Well NOW Firefox is better.

    Comment by Firefox Rules — 2/6/08 @ 10:54 pm

  49. Firefox has tabbed browsing…wait…how old is this post….ohhhhh i see! try firefox NOW it rules!

    Comment by Firefox Rules — 2/6/08 @ 10:55 pm

  50. My computer repairman actually recommended Mozilla Firefox to me. I am apalled with its terrible performance and screw ups. On top of everything else it has hijacked my desktop because when I try to go to a favorite site from my desktop I always get an error message saying that mozilla firefox cannot be found. I have removed mozilla firefox with add remove programs and tried to remove all traces of this garbage search engine from my c. program files but I still can’t launch to a favorite website from my desktop thanks to this piece of slimware. Why does anyone like this pathetic excuse for a search engine?

    Comment by P.Grimes — 4/4/08 @ 11:22 pm

  51. Then why you don’t try IE8 Beta 2? That is is most recent IE version.
    IE7 is much better rather than Firefox. Firefox does not have internal parental control support and you must install add-on to do that. IE have the internal parental controls. If you running Vista, you can do more with Parental Controls!

    Comment by HANG.IE — 12/1/08 @ 7:03 pm

  52. WoW you Firefox haters are fucking losers its sad haha , if your using IE get ready for lots of viruses….firefox is hella more protective than that peice of shit IE slow crap pop ups all over the freaking place……firefox is like #1 now lol… suck it…learn to use the program

    Comment by Spyda — 12/17/08 @ 4:49 pm

  53. internet explorer sucks and fucks my dick like an angry norwegian slut on horse cock tranquilizers i’d rather piss dog diahreah out of my dick hole. don’t ever open internet exporer or it will stay in your processes like a fucking retard. your other programs will lock up and ur comps a fucking idiot, it cant go “hey look we got a fucking retard in the processes by the name of IEXPLORE jee wiz maybe end this epic fail so that u don’t gotta watch ur comp for an hour wondering if it’s ever gonna hit puberty. internet exporer is so fucked that its shit. it fucking sucks fuck. moderate that you fucking asshole.

    Comment by iesuckshorsecock — 1/16/09 @ 6:33 pm

  54. Ditto, FF sucks ass. Agreed especially with the number 6, people forget selectively or just plain dumb to feel comfortable with their choices or to be “cool”, as the FF sells that idea. “Yes, we suck, but we have themes and colors!” IE will always be the king and will shutdown the new Netscape again like they did years ago, now with their new name Mozilla shit

    Comment by Júlio — 5/1/10 @ 12:01 pm

  55. IE 9 is coming out soon. I am using the beta and I am a web 2.0 developer. GUYS listen to me. IE is so pathetic that it doesn’t even deserver to be put in the web market.
    MS is starting to freak because they have finally come to realize the have lost the web broswer war. ALL of IE(as in all the version put together) now has only 40 of all of the market share.

    The newest version (9th version) is FINALLY beoming complient like the rest of the browsers out there. MS is now advertising IE8 and IE9 like mad because every one.. and I do mean every one FUCKING HATES IE.

    You know what I use IE for? To download Chrome or Firefox.

    IF I could remove IE from my system totally I would. Do NOT USE IE. You make babies die everytime you do. Do NOT USE IE. Puppies die everytime you do. Do NOT USE IE.. because if everyone stops using it us poor fucking webdevelopers won’t have to try to code for another (btw its up to 4 now and all 4 act differently) piece of shit browser.

    But hey don’t believe me..

    This speaks for its self on how much IE sucks.

    Comment by John Hates IE — 12/1/10 @ 2:36 pm

  56. My name is Shelly. I’m a ghost now. I died about four weeks ao, but my parents did not want to publish my death. They are divorced, and wanted to forget about me. I was beat to death by of four gang of four guys. FRWD this to 10 ppl in 10 minutes of i will come 2nite! A girl named Kristen got this, forwarded it, and igranted her a wish–her boyfriend came back from the army. A girl named Melanie got it, and deleted it. That night when she was in the shower she heard a scary giggle, and the sound of a chainsaw. She was scared, grabbed her iphone, and quick forwarded it. haha. tooo late. That night her mother heard a horrible scream. i had beaten Melanie to death, and cut oifff her head with a chainsaw. Plz frwd, people might know about my death, You know the consequence if you dont……

    Comment by lashonda — 8/19/11 @ 11:14 am

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