Due to an ongoing DDoS attack by Scott Baio on our old server (blog.bluedistortion.com), we have moved the server over to http://www.bluedamage.com permanently. The XML feeds have changed as well, for the 3 people out there that actually read the blog. Scott Baio, you’re a bastard and I hate you. Thanks for ruining everything once again.
Can you smell it? No, not your stinky roommate, not those self-aware half eaten Ramen noodles either. I’m not even referring to your torn up khaki cargo pants, the ones that you loved back in 98, and most likely haven’t washed since. I’m talking about the fear people.
It is the portent of doom and destruction. It is the dark miasma that descends annually to weigh on the already crestfallen souls of every God loving, and fearing, American (Karl Rove, Karl Rove). It is the destroyer of homes and slayer of nations. The mere mention of whom sends the stock market crashing, Arabs dancing, and tiny orphans crying home to their mothers. Yes I am referring to the “Holy shit, it’s coming right for us!” hurricane.
Hundreds of thousands of years of mediation and a few late night viewings of the Matrix have given the Ancient Trees of Wyoming’s Yellowstone National Park an epiphany. They don’t have to be flammable if they just believe in themselves. It seems that the controlled burns that were thought to help the forest ecosystem actually really pissed them off. Their cruel calculated revenge overwhelmed the unsuspecting park rangers and fat tourists wearing neon fanny packs.
It took only two hours for the state to be closed off and in complete arboreal control. All of Wyoming’s native residents were killed after their house plants turned them in. Over 3,000 tourists, both American and other, are currently being held hostage in the Tree’s fortified “Death Zone” awaiting the payment of the fanatical flora’s demands.
