What may come as a shock to a majority of Americans, President Bush announced today that he would like to see alternative creationist theories in science education, theories such as intelligent design. "It's hard work," Bush said to reporters. This is obviously long overdue and a great addition to any public school. Bush is calling the initiative, "Intelligence Regression." After hearing the news, several other religious groups are pushing to have their religious take on creationism being put on the curriculum as well. Religious groups like the Scientologists.

We got a chance to discuss with scientology spokesperson Tom Cruise about George Bush's new initiative. "I think it's a great idea... I'm going on Oprah tomorrow to show my support and push my religious agenda into science classes nationwide. This is a historical day! Now the whole world will know the true power of the Scientologists! MUAHAHAHAH!" Tom Cruise then started to jump all around our office, screaming something about a Katie and herpes. That's all we could make out from what he was saying.

Other Religious groups such as the Mormons, Jews, The Discordian Society, Cthulhuists and the well respected Church of Zeorpheodel all are very much in favor of this and backing Bush on his idea. The Church of Zeorpheodel has an interesting theory of creationism. We were able to catch up with Stan Tome, life long Zeorpheodist and public television pusher of the theology.

"Our God, Zeorph, created the earth exactly 204 years, 20 days, 3 hours and 6 minutes ago. She did the to smite the lengendary half octopus, half llama beast, Trudenl. Turdenl was very upset at Zeorph's intelligent design, so, the beast created things like AIDS, cancer, poverty and corruption to destroy her world. Even though the ever powerful Zeorph was able to create the universe and things so complex such as a circulatory system or magic 8-ball, she was unable to rid the world of the influence of Turdenl, so unfortunately, pain lives on. But so does the human spirit. I think this theory belongs in schools, don't you?" Stan told us.

The staff here at Blue Damage could not agree more. What we need is to go back to the good old days of guilt, fear, burning witches and crazy theories about God. Religion is best taken with force. Forget science; who needs science anyway. What has science done for us recently? Religion has been the key player for great things such as churches, intolerance, very small rocks, wars, a duck, terrorism etc. This is the only way to cure the pestilence that is our land. God bless George Bush!