Blue Damage

8/15/05

Delete the Internet(s)?

Filed under: — Recipher @ 11:20 pm

When a computer asks you to delete the internets you should sheepishly oblige.

The process of deleting the internets does take quite a while, sometimes up to a half an hour. But, think about how much space this will clear up on your hard drive! Make sure you have a backup of the internets before you delete them incase you need them in the future. Below are some common problems with deleting the internets that we have received in emails. Solutions follow. You can send us more questions here or post in this thread.

  • Problem: "Cannot delete internets. It is being used by another person or program."
  • Solution: Of course people are using the internets. You will have to go into command prompt or shell and say (out loud) the following phrase, "Remove other people from internets for deletion." You should recieve oral (heh) confirmation of the request. After this, try and delete the internet again, you will likely be well on your way.
  • Problem: "My internets are telling me that they are read only. What do I do?"
  • Solution: You will have to find the properties control room of the internets. In this room there is a switch that is activated and should say "Read Only" in very big neon letters. Flip the switch. Delete internets. Bake cookies in celebration.
  • Problem: "My Mom said that I could get in trouble deleting internets. Is this true?"
  • Solution: Of course not. People delete internets all of the time. On an average day at Blue Damage HQ, we delete at least 40 internets, give or take a few. We have never been in trouble except for that one time that we kidnapped Estelle Getty and made her watch reruns of Full House until she puked.
  • Problem: "I am really emo, possibly too emo. Can I delete the internets?"
  • Solution: It's tough to say without meeting you. Make sure you're not listening to emo when trying to delete it. Cross fingers. Also, you could try deleting just a couple of internets at first. Don't try to delete them all at once, you'll have a better chance.
  • Problem: "What about the Internets 2.0? Can I delete that safely?"
  • Solution: The Internets 2.0 can be deleted safely as well. Make sure you are using HD floppy disks to back up the internet before you delete it though. The Internet 2.0 is 2x as big as all of the other internets.
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14 Comments »

  1. This must be a mac thing since I have never had my linux box to ask me to delete the internets. Why would macs try to cache the whole internet anyway? Once macs get moved on to Intel chips this whole situation will probably improve.

    Comment by Chris — 8/16/05 @ 9:01 am

  2. On second thought…..I didn’t think you could access the internets from a mac.

    Comment by Chris — 8/16/05 @ 5:34 pm

  3. According to my research, you can’t surf internets on Macs. I believe the OS in question is Win 95, I will have to consult with our correspondent who sent us the screenshot in question. Also, if you run linuxes, you will have to use a different command.

    mv -R internets /dev/null

    Apparently, this will delete all of the internets (not just one), so, make sure you have a backup on floppies.

    Comment by recipher — 8/16/05 @ 6:19 pm

  4. I think someone already deleted the internets because when I tried your command I got this error:

    chris@hellfire ~ $ mv internets /dev/null
    mv: cannot stat `internets’: No such file or directory

    Comment by Chris — 8/16/05 @ 7:31 pm

  5. whats wrong with the dialog-box above. it does nothing when i hit yes… :-( is the error on this page or with all those internets?

    Comment by erik — 8/17/05 @ 11:46 am

  6. [edit] i just tried to click “No”… that button is also broke!? please repair your website, thanks ;)[/edit]

    Comment by erik — 8/17/05 @ 11:52 am

  7. @ Chris, it’s possible that someone has already deleted the internets on your computer. That’s ok though, because, linux comes with backups of the internet on floppy disks.

    @ Erik, yes, there does seem to be a problem with the buttons, they aren’t working now. I’ll check this out, thanks. ;)

    Comment by recipher — 8/18/05 @ 1:32 pm

  8. What about the Internets 2.0? Can I delete that safely?

    Comment by Trevor — 8/22/05 @ 8:49 am

  9. The Internets 2.0 can be deleted safely as well. Make sure you are using HD floppy disks to back up the internet before you delete it though. The Internet 2.0 is 2x as big as all of the other internets.

    Comment by recipher — 8/22/05 @ 4:32 pm

  10. This is bullshit ! I’ve been deleting the internets for 6 fucking days now. It just sits there and I don’t even have a progress bar.

    Comment by Chris — 8/23/05 @ 12:16 am

  11. Chris, the longest it has taken me is around 30 minutes to delete the internets, that is strange. This is on a very fast computer though, a P2 400 running Windows 95. That could be why I was able to delete it so quickly.

    EDIT: I am not getting a progress bar either when trying to delete the internets. I killed the process “Norton Internets Delete Protection” and it seems to be working fine now.

    Comment by recipher — 8/24/05 @ 5:27 pm

  12. One must make sure to frag their hard drive after deletion of all internets.

    Comment by Fat Kid At McDonalds — 8/31/05 @ 11:43 pm

  13. YOU SON OF A BITCH

    YOU LIKE MACS ! FUCK YOU ALL!

    Comment by clarkinhimer — 3/18/07 @ 4:47 pm

  14. my computsters is telling me to if i wants delete internet in feminist voices:

    “The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check the number and dial again.”

    What is do my shall is my doobee do doing?!

    Comment by Ankeet — 10/21/07 @ 6:47 pm

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