“Retail stores are not doing a very good job of parenting,” booms a self-righteous Senator Clinton as she dismounts her 25 foot tall robotic Clydesdale. “I mean, we entrust the raising of our children to these institutions and all they seem to care about is money,” she finishes, while wiping the dust and dung from her boots and giving it a taste. She is of course referring to the recent scandal in which pseudo sexual relations can be unlocked in the PC version of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.

Senator Clinton retires to the comfort of her magical, flying log cabin. A glass of Sutter Home in her right hand, a thick Icelandic cigar clenched between her tobacco stained teeth. Barely wearing a revealing red teddy at all, she sprawls herself in front of the fire. Her legs are open, wide open. She has no sign of shame on her crudely painted face, and no sign of attempts to cover her shame either (droopy curtains).

With her whiskey and cigarette voice she continues, “This vile information is widely available on the internet for our children to access at whatever times they are not being supervised.” She throws up, just a little, in her mouth. After wiping off her puke covered cheek she continues, “I find it completely deplorable that our young children are having their mental innocence beaten and raped out of them by the video game industry. All because they have to sully the internet with their filth and detritus. That gets me heated G!”

You could imagine how horrific it would be to a feeble and impressionable mind wandering amongst the purity and poppies of the internet. “What is this,” he would say, “some sort of new candy?” Unfortunately for little Timmy, its instructions to see sexually lewd material on a game that he should never have been allowed too play in the first place. Now he is gang banging hoes and popping caps in bia’tches instead of beating down long division and raping the periodic table of elements. One must agree with her. I mean, I have watched an episode of “Law and Order” where this suburban father was having bums jerk off into a turkey baster so he could then go and impregnate his daughters with their transient sperm… but a fully clothed, animated sex scene has gone too far.

“So where dose that leave us as a country, the greatest country, when we can’t leave our kids alone for long periods of time unsupervised? What are we to do when we can’t slip off to self medicate with pain killers and booze for a few hours because we are worried if our children are safe? Do you have any pills? Pills taste yum…mummy…” Mrs. Clinton passes out adrift her nonsensical ramblings about drugs, children and sex. She slips off the beanbag chair onto the floor, thereby creating the least attractive mound of female flesh since Kathrine Harris and Janet Reno’s infamous pay-per-view cage match. So I took some pictures.

Just one week after this interview took place Courtney Love, oops I mean Senator Clinton, was up in arms again over a new downloadable patch. This one unlocks a video in which Madden ’06 poster boy Donovan McNabb anally rapes the chronically obese John Madden with a six legged turkey. Now that’s entertainment!

Leisure Suit Max Power