20 year old Katrina Hurri is having a terrible month. “I’m not sure why, but, everyone is being very mean to me,” Katrina told us. “I get terrible looks, especially after I tell someone my name. Last week, my Mom called my name in a store and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and nearly flicked me off.”

Katrina’s friend, Rita, is facing a similar and strange bad vibe from people. “Everyone is being mean to me too, I don’t get it. I’m a really nice person, I’ve never been mean to anyone.” Katrina and Rita, who volunteer in the local Salvation Army once a month had a frightening experience earlier this week. “People would refuse our help after they saw our name tags. One customer told me that, ‘I’d rather kill my own mother than accept help from you.’ Can you believe that?” Katrina told us.

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All over the world, people are very impressed with the latest Apple gadget, the little brother of the iPod, the iPod Nano. It’s very cool looking at first, but, looks can be decieving, huh Marc Summers? Here at Blue Damage Headquaters we were given an opportunity to try one out and give a review for our dedicated readers. Without further ado, here is why the iPod Nano Sucks (and it does a lot).

First of all, since it is so small you can’t even fit cds in it! How are we supposed to play music on this device without CDs? It just doesn’t make sense. We spent at least 3 hours trying to insert a CD into the iPod Nano, but, we were largely unsuccessful. We did what any person having trouble would do, we loaded up our copy of the internets and started searching. We found some solutions such as waving the compact disk counter-clockwise over the iPod in an attempt to transfer the files. Also, we tryed plugging our Sony Walkman (which plays CDs correctly) into the iPod to “record” the songs on the iPod. Both solutions were ultimately unsuccessful and we are still searching.

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Blue Damage had an opportunity to speak with John Roberts today about a few subjects of interest to him. Future Chief Justice John Roberts told us that he was considering renaming the Supreme Court the “Extreme” Court once he is confirmed. “It’s rock and roll baby! Are you ready to ROCK?!” John Roberts screamed.

While Blue Damage is ALWAYS ready to rock at the drop of a hat, we were slightly confused why at his Senate confirmation hearing, he wasn’t actually confirming anything. “Yes, I am leaving everybody in the dark on key issues, except for the fact that I love the movie Dr. Zhivago. That got a few laughs didn’t it,” Roberts joked. “What can I say, it’s a good movie.”

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Mother nature, with it’s sexy winds and blistering sun, was the latest target of Washington’s axis of evil earlier this week. After Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans, a lot of politicians are saying enough is enough. “It’s hard work,” said President Bush. “American’s have resolve and we will win the fight against mother nature, and spread freedom around the world. I will not rest or go on vacation for months at a time until we have mother nature in custody, dead or alive.” Many were shocked to hear that a war against mother nature is being funded by a nation drowning in debt, none the less being held at all.

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In what seemed a normal summers evening at Patel O’Patty’s Pub in Cork Ireland, one of the most reality titty-twisting events in our modern history was to occur. The area is well known for its large fantasy population: fairies, banshees, brownies, leprechauns, pixies, and so on, which is why no one was surprised when Harold Q. Goldman, a 134 year old Jewish leprechaun entered the pub for his nightly drunkening. Harold’s reputation is well known in these parts.

Despite his traditional Irish Jew upbringing, he lost most all of his “Pot o’ Gold” on poorly performing internet stocks, with the last bits wasted on the Euro-Disney travesty. So when an American tourist asked how the broke old leprechaun could afford his day’s worth of whiskey, the locals were shocked that they had not noticed it earlier.

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