Smokey the Bear Arrested For Arson
Smokey the Bear, known for his plight and propaganda against wildfires and carelessness, was taken into custody this morning. Sources have discovered that Smokey is the main suspect in an arson case. Smokey’s lawyers have gone on record stating that he is innocent and was framed by Roger Rabbit, adding subtle irony to the case. Roger Rabbit, who has recently been battling with a horrific herion addiction and chronic depression, has denied all charges.
The target of the arson was, of course, Yogi the Bear. From what our investigators have uncovered, the motive was a very underground river dancing / log rolling competition that went awry earlier this week. Yogi was rumored to have been tormenting Smokey with the evil eye and phrases like, “only you can prevent your FACE from starting fires.” The heated match went down to a double, bonus round with Yogi prevailing. This greatly angered Smokey, and, he always bottles everything up inside anyway. If convicted, Smokey could wind up spending 5+ years in a cartoon penitentiary right outside the Los Padres National Forest. Yogi the Bear was unavailable for comment.
14 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
WHY ARE YOU SO SO SO HILARIOUS!?
It should be illegal.
Comment by Carleigh — 11/18/05 @ 1:40 pm
Yay! A message from Carleigh, I feel honored.
Comment by recipher — 11/18/05 @ 4:13 pm
Well it’s about time that fucker came out of the closet.
Comment by Chris — 11/19/05 @ 9:36 pm
Where do you get ideas for this stuff? But hey, at least you’re more twisted than I am. I’m sending the golf club one to my dad!
Thanks,
Bitchy
Comment by Hello Bitchy! — 11/20/05 @ 9:05 pm
Hello Bitchy, I’m glad you like them. We have a team of monkey chained to a banana tree that work for us around the clock. If they fail to deliver, they get teh whip!
Comment by recipher — 11/21/05 @ 1:58 pm
Man, this made me think of Mitch Hedman. He was so funny….
(whilst discussing an acid trip) “Man, Smokey the Bear is so much more INTENSE in person!”
RIP, Mitch. You will be missed….
Comment by Fat Kid At McDonalds — 11/21/05 @ 11:55 pm
Uh… smoky the bear doesnt exist… your a retard!
Comment by Jake — 11/23/05 @ 12:41 am
Jake, thanks for the insightful comment. I have forwarded it to our supervisor, Geraldo Rivera.
Comment by recipher — 11/28/05 @ 12:22 pm
Geraldo told me that Mitch Hedberg is still alive and that Jake is the one who dosnt exist. And Geraldo would never make anything up.
Comment by Max Power — 11/29/05 @ 5:14 pm
First Barnie
Then Pee Wee
Now…..
Enough Said
Comment by Drew Williams — 12/1/05 @ 11:00 pm
Smokey the Bear!!!
I’ve heard of him.
Okay, I’m not American, but we have New Mexican exchange students come to our school every year and they talk about Smokey the Bare and how he teaches fire safety.
Over here, we have firemen/women.
Interesting article. It made me laugh.
-jessc
Comment by jessc — 2/15/06 @ 2:41 am
CraP I can’t spell.
Comment by jessc — 2/15/06 @ 2:42 am
haha slut
Comment by a girl 'bloody tears' — 12/27/06 @ 8:12 pm
smokey should be started onfire as punihment
Comment by clarkinhimer — 3/18/07 @ 4:40 pm