The secret liberal’s War on Christmas has taken a very twisted turn; and it doesn’t involve candy canes. Richard Smith, a professional baker and lover of fine wine, died earlier today at the hands of a unnamed man being held in custody. We have confirmed with local authorities that this was the result of a “Happy Holidays” wish to a devout Christmas enthusiast.

“I saw the whole thing,” said Todd, an ‘innocent bystander.’ “Richard paid for his wine and wished the guy a happy holiday. The cashier became infuriated and followed Richard out. I turned around and right before my eyes, I watched the street run red AND green. Well, the street was already green because someone dropped some green wrapping paper right around the scene of the murder. How’s that for ironic?”

According to police records, this is the first offense for the unnamed man. “You just don’t know anymore,” said Sheriff Bob Horne. “I don’t even wish people a Happy Holiday or a Merry Christmas for the fear of being persecuted or ridiculed. How am I supposed to know what religion someone is or if they will get offended? Maybe we should start wearing a patch that signifies our religion, it would make things a LOT easier,” he said.

John Gibson, author of The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought, had the following to say. “Finally, people are starting to stick up for the good guys. This is what Jesus would have done. Our campaign, I mean… my opinion, is clearly not a ploy to distract people from far more important, urgent issues. Like the fact that we failed across the board on national security after all this money was put into it,” John reassured.

We can only hope and pray that the War on Christmas goes as well as the war on drugs, poverty, and terrorism. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas from Blue Damage. If you are not Christian, go to hell you fucking idiot.