After being continuously baffled by the growing threat of Al Queda and the war in Iraq, United States Anti-terrorism and Defense leaders developed a new, long-term, plan to set apart the destruction of the Arab cultures as we now know them. The idea surfaced after numerous soldiers reported Bon Jovi and Pat Benatar music blaring, along with Z Cavariccies, Jams, and slap bracelets seen all through out the Arab Street. That’s when their plan came together, just like a sadistic jig-saw puzzle next-day-ground delivered, from the 9th plane of hell.

If Arab culture mimics American culture 20 years in the past, knowing this, we can now control how they will behave in the future. The idea being, if suicide were made to be a popular trend in today’s Hollywood, by around 2025 all the Arabs in the world will be dead, and without that pesky Manifest Destiny / power hungry stigma we have going on now. The Country plans to leap into action with this one, there are no official names as of yet but keep a look out for your favorite Hollywood personalities to be extinguishing themselves in a variety of ways that might be available to the common Arab 20 years from now.

American copy cat suicides from not-so-famous people is expected and encouraged, in fact leaders say that John and Jane Q. Teen’s deaths will only help to strengthen the new fad on its way across the pond. So now, if you are a lonely, confused and misunderstood teen or if you are simply weak willed, feeble minded and easily open to suggestion, then don’t work through your problems, commit suicide instead. It’s quicker and you will be helping out your country, and in the end, isn’t that more than you ever could have done alive?