Blue Damage

2/23/06

The 6th Pillar of Islam

Filed under: — Max Power @ 2:26 pm

Teh QuranAt our noon meeting, the editor here at Blue Damage, my boss, pulled me aside to his office. "Great!" I thought, "How many times do I have to suck this guy off before I get my wife's severed foot back?" But it had absolutely nothing to do with that, it was about an interview for me to do with a famous white supremacist author. This man has evidently splintered off from the main stream hatred and is creating a fresh new movement for other, similar minded Aryan assholes to get behind.

Now I admit, I had a bunch of preconceived notions of white toothless hicks, banjo music, belly butting fingering, and anal sodomy. But my editor assured me, they have a great dental plan. Today's hate filled mountain folk are much more sophisticated than their earlier predecessors. They have made use of all sorts of modern amenities including the tooth brush and racist robot sentry droids, capable of identifying ethnic intruders then acting loud and ignorant until the trespasser leaves in disgust. I, being well educated and therefore very white, was granted admittance to meet their leader.

Chris Crossburner is an incredibly well spoken inbred hick. He is middle aged, perhaps 45, has balding strawberry blond hair, cut in the traditional mullet, and is very physically imposing due to him being a 9 foot tall mongoloid cyborg, trained in the deadly arts of Ninjitsu and hate speech. We sat down on the porch for a spot of tea.

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2/10/06

George W. Bush Creates New Katrina Scapegoat, Elfkins

Filed under: — Recipher @ 4:40 pm

It is safe to say that George Bush is going to have another bad year. Not only has his prostate swollen up like a grapefruit recently, but, today the former FEMA chief Michael Brown testified before a Senate committee. Michael spoke about how the government was very slow to act and he shouldn't have been solely blamed for the terrible response to the tragedy.

While FEMA was directly responsible for emergency management, hence the name Federal Emergency Management Agency, failures by the federal government and Homeland Security didn't help at all either. George Bush, who spent most of the week after the hurricane hit playing golf and pushing his social security initiative, quickly responded to allegations of federal failures by Michael Brown with a new, fictitious character know as an Elfkin.

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