We received this email message today and were SHOCKED at the things that could happen if you get the computer virus. Below is the email.

There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internets. If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line "REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP," DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR. Be sure to also destroy your modem, router, mouse, keyboard and any household pets that you own. EVEN PUPPIES. Wash your hands with bleach LIBERALLY after handling said computer.

Once a computer is infected with the virus, it will already be TOO LATE. Your computer will begin to emit vile FUMES that speed up GLOBAL WARMING. Verily, your CD/DVD-ROM drive will start to spin in an UNCONTROLLABLE FASHION, causing permanent ear damage and ADVANCED TINNITUS. The noise will draw unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike.

After violently ripping itself from the wall WITH THE FORCE OF SEVERAL ANGRY BISON, it will infect the office water cooler with BIRD FLU, and then your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS into the night, HOWLING like DAVE MATTHEWS. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days DISCREDITING PASTAFARIANISM, WATCHING RERUNS of FULL HOUSE and MOCKING the POPE.