There are things you love and things that you hate. There are also things you love to hate. Since 95% of the internet deals with things people just plain hate, we decided to do something different. Blue Damage decided to give it a spin, non-hannitized, and discuss things that are really weird to hate.

The first thing on the list Clyesdales. Who sees those Budweiser commercials and says, "God I fucking hate Clyesdales." No, you look at those commercials and say, "Budweiser tastes like stale chemicals." You could also hate the company, especially if you were fired from the Keystone Light factory 6 months ago because of a "pale ale" incident. Or, you are just a beer snob because you don't have any hobbies. Have you ever received a Clyesdale steamer? Anyhow, Clyesdales. No one hates them.

The second thing is the elusive Notary. Yes, it's quite frustrating when you have to get something notarized, but, we will focus on the actual person who is the Notary. A notary is completely neutral. There is a scenario, however, where you have to go to an actual Notary Service Center and pay a $2.00 fee.

That never happens though. You always find out someone you didn't think would be a Notary. Like a coworker... or your wife or brother. It's like a secret society and they probably have their own handshake. One day, it is possible Notaries will take a bigger place as government lobbyists. Then, they will be easily hated by the masses.

Owls. Who the fuck hates owls? "God dammit Tony, the owls are out again tonight. I hate those things." Have you been attacked by a Parliament? No, that is a group of owls, not George Clinton getting vicious with the funk. You don't hate owls, you fear the owl out of respect.

Owl keeping you up at night because of loud hooting? You don't hate the owl, you hate being kept awake at night. Unless, of course, there is an owl having a personal vendetta against you, but, I've never heard of such nonsense. Or, if that is the case, perhaps you deserve the wrath of the owl. Honestly, how much hate can you build up with an owl? How much time do you really spend with them?

Ice cream is sometimes left out for a couple minutes before scooping in order to decrease how very INTENSE it can be to scoop out. Who hates it when ice cream is easy to scoop out of the carton? You could very well hate ice cream, but, if you did eat ice cream, wouldn't you want to scoop it out with little effort? It would be straight up weird to hate. "Thanks for leaving the ice cream out the perfect amount of time, Martha. It's so easy to scoop out and hasn't melted at all. I HATE YOU! I WANT A DIVORCE!"

The only people who think they hate alternative energy are the oil executives reaping huge profits. But they don't actually hate alternative energy, they hate competition. Thanks to regulations and lobbyists with basically unlimited funds, like the American deficit, competition isn't really a problem.

Do people actually know about alternative energy? It seems every single State of the Union Address in the last 25 years contained at least one doublespeak phrase involving our oil dependence. Instead of lifting the monopolistic regulations, why not throw more tax dollars in research and empty promises like Hydrogen? Makes complete sense. It's not that we hate alternative energy, we just want to check ONE LAST TIME to see if it will work. Because, at this point, alternative energy is a myth--just like evolution.

Sleep. Hate is a long term thing, not something you change your mind about all the time. Have you ever tried to stay up for longer than 2 days? At this point your body convinces you, right through all your built up animosity towards sleep, it is a wonderful idea.

Unless you have really bad nightmares involving floating rabbits licking your eyeballs when you sleep. In this case, you hate the dream, not the sleep. Regardless, there are several support groups online dealing specifically with night terrors involving eyeball licking rabbits. You no longer have to live in fear.

Water. Of course there are people who are allergic to water. However, these people don't think to themselves while watching all of their friends having a blast in the pool, "I hate water." They secretly hate being allergic to it, not the water itself. They want to be in the water with their friends more than sitting inside in constant fear of 75% of the planet.

For crying out freaking loud, we ARE water. If you hate water so much, have you tried boycotting it altogether? Every time you die from dehydration, an emu gets it wings. Afraid of water? Honestly, do you really hate being afraid of it, or, the water itself? Probably the first. Water's fairly important according to scientific research.

A body massage.

A body massage. A body massage machine, go! You could hate the person giving the body massage. You could even hate the pain caused by the body massage. However, after the body massage is over, you feel like a million bucks. If you don't like feeling good, you are weird. Or you're emo.

It's weird to hate having a conversation about things that are weird to hate. Even if you try to bring up the conversation, it immediately becomes "what do you hate" discussion. This is due to the fact people would much rather bitch about their insignificant lives (unless you are Vin Diesel or Chuck Norris). Perhaps one makes the decision to only hear "things you hate" at a subconscious level.

It's extremely weird to hate government. For example, let's look at the US government. It is pretty awesome, why all the hate? More importantly, when has the government screwed us over? Ok, besides every time the Federal Reserve prints more dollars causing the value of money in your pocket to drop. Ok, besides every time they pass a piece of legislation giving the oil industry millions in tax breaks and make you pay the difference at the pump. Ok, besides every time they rig elections, like in 2000 (and 2004, 2006). Ok, besides every time they pay off scientists to give their "expert opinion" on why global warming is a sham and end up working for Exxon Mobil the next year. Ok, besides every time a rapist gets paroled to make room in an overcrowded prison for some dude who has sold some weed.

Ok Ok, besides every time we offer cost-plus pricing (which is the more you spend, the more profit you make) for no-bid contracts to KBR. Ok, besides every time KBR outright steals $1.8 Billion of our tax dollars. Ok, besides every time they reject pleas for medical care by the real heroes of 9/11, the firefighters and construction workers, when they are coughing up blood and developing horrible lung infections and cancer from inhaling all of the toxic chemicals at Ground Zero.

Ok, besides every time they invade other countries to spread democracy. Ok, besides every time they have funded a coup d'état and it ends up coming back to bite us in the ass as ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALISM. Ok, besides every time they crucify pawns for policy that comes straight from the top. Ok, besides every time politicians attack the person instead of discussing the problem at hand. Ok, besides every time the congressmen and senators don't read every bit of the controversial laws they are passing. Ok, besides every time our congressmen and senators are out golfing with lobbyists instead of working.

Ok, besides every time politicians play to their nutbase and then act in a manner the exact polar opposite of those values. But, the batshait crazy nutbags don't really pay any attention to what is going on anyway because they are too busy being brainwashed by the latest marketing campaign for Coca-Cola. Or, too busy worrying about the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline breakup. Or, every time... hey… wait a minute...