Well, Dick Cheney is at it again, with his wacky dance moves and delicious homemade cannoli rolls. However, the latest with the Vice President unfortunately doesn’t involve wacky dancing or cannoli rolls. Cheney, in order to greasily slip his way out of providing classified information for the National Archives, told them that he a robot. Robots apparently aren’t subject to the same rules and regulations as humans, especially robots that breathe fire.

Cheney’s position is that he is ‘not included in the definition of ‘human’ as set forth in the Order’ and ‘does not consider himself anything else besides ‘a robot only capable of the cold, hard truth,’” a National Archives official David Addington claimed about the now immortal Cheney. “We just don’t know how to deal with him. He’s a monster!” Other members of the National Archives are also very worried with the latest. “What will he tell us next? That the Vice President isn’t part of the Executive Branch?!” Stan Russo, one of David’s colleagues, told us.

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The latest statement in “green” technology is without doubt hybrid automobiles. However, even hybrid automobiles still require burning large amounts of fossil fuels, regardless of how advanced the fuel efficiency is. Trey Kaitens, an expert in energy consumption, psychology and rare stamp appraising, has some startling news about the fuel consumption of hybrid drivers. It isn’t pretty like Max Power’s new dress.

“The majority of hybrid drivers actually use the same amount of gasoline, even with higher standards in fuel efficiency,” Trey told us, which didn’t make much sense. Sure, if you compare the fuel efficiency of a Toyota Corolla to a Chevy Silverado Hybrid, the Corolla has the upper hand. However, how could hybrid drivers on average use more gasoline than non-hybrid drivers? Trey explained, “It’s based upon the notion that driving a hybrid feels ’safer’ as far as the environment is concerned.”

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