“I closed that tab about halfway into the second paragraph,” shouts Tray Barton, self proclaimed internet ADD sufferer. “I mean, all of the information on the internet excites me to the point of climax, but… I can never get through an article without spacing out and navigating away from the page to find more demotivational posters.”

Tray, like most internetters, has the attention span of a 6 year old on microdots. Not that anyone here on our staff has any experience with secretly feeding 6 year olds that sort of thing laced in Halloween candy in 2005. But all of that is about to change with a new, innovative Firefox extension. The programmer, Charlie Woods, expounded upon the new extension which is due to be released early next year. Now with moar screenshots!

“Basically, you’ll be able to highlight any text on a web page, right click and select from a list of familiar voices to read the text to you. Morgan Freeman was my first choice to work with. I sat down with him for months, recording him reading every page on the internet. That was quite easy compared to the kidnapping. This guy put up a hell of a fight,” Charlie confided. “It’s hard to keep up with all the new pages being created on the internet each day, however, Freeman has been a really good sport about the whole thing.”

The extension, clocking in at just over 13.3TB of data, is being welcomed with open arms in the internets community. The number of voices isn’t great at the moment; you can choose between Morgan Freeman and David Attenborough. “Strangely enough, David welcomed the project, stated that he had pretty much already read aloud every page on the internet and recorded it using Windows Sound Recorder. This guy is a fucking machine.”

While the extension is quite the amazing advancement, we dislike the choices Charlie was making for future voices. We disagreed with him on using the AOL movie phone guy and Sigourney Weaver. I mean, she basically ruined the American version of Planet Earth. David Attenborough was the clear choice here. “His voice really turns me on,” Charlie told us.

It turned us on too, Charlie.

The “Read in a Sexy Voice” extension is still in Beta and being tested in an invite only environment. We have invites, post why you should get one and we’ll hook you up if the comment is good enough.