Ever wonder why the system only produces horrible, unaccountable candidates for president? Many of us are aware of the lesser of two evils principle: the idea that of two bad choices, one isn’t as bad as the other, and should be chosen over the one that is a greater threat. A confused twenty-something living in Manhattan, Josh Hanks, was sick of looking for the answers and consoled in the advice of a Zoltar Fortune Telling machine.

Josh looked stunned at the price of one reading. “I remember as a child you could deposit 5 cents and get a reading… 75 cents seems pushing it,” Josh told us. The quarters clinked callously through the inner workings of the heartless robot, slowly grinding our prophet to life. Josh stood back, ready for the cold, hard truth.

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New Delhi (AP) – Computer super power Dell has taken corporate sponsorship to the next level. Following in the proud tradition of the Coors Brewing Company, America West Airlines and RCA, Dell has decided to sponsor something on a much larger scale – a nation’s capital.

Pioneering the concept of putting your companies name on an arbitrary public attraction was America West Airlines in 1989. For a mere 26 million dollars AWA purchased a 20-year contract to have its name plastered all over the arena that houses the Phoenix Suns and Coyotes (NBA and NHL respectively). By all accounts this was a good deal. Less than a million dollars a year to have your name mentioned in every single televised home game for the two Phoenix franchises as well as the millions of faithful Phoenix fans and residents that pass by the arena every year. Compared to the 180 million paid by Royal Phillips Electronics to get their name onto the arena that houses the abysmally unexciting Atlanta Hawks and Thrashers (again NBA and NHL respectively) for 20 years, the AWA deal could be considered nothing less than a steal.

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The latest statement in “green” technology is without doubt hybrid automobiles. However, even hybrid automobiles still require burning large amounts of fossil fuels, regardless of how advanced the fuel efficiency is. Trey Kaitens, an expert in energy consumption, psychology and rare stamp appraising, has some startling news about the fuel consumption of hybrid drivers. It isn’t pretty like Max Power’s new dress.

“The majority of hybrid drivers actually use the same amount of gasoline, even with higher standards in fuel efficiency,” Trey told us, which didn’t make much sense. Sure, if you compare the fuel efficiency of a Toyota Corolla to a Chevy Silverado Hybrid, the Corolla has the upper hand. However, how could hybrid drivers on average use more gasoline than non-hybrid drivers? Trey explained, “It’s based upon the notion that driving a hybrid feels ‘safer’ as far as the environment is concerned.”

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It would come without a shock that the first and only bill that George Bush would veto would have to do with Stem Cell research. Of course, this isn’t news as all as it happened nearly a month ago. However, there are new developments in the story that Blue Damage was able to uncover. But first, we need to explore a little about George Bush and his relationship with these cells. President Bush is one of the most fiscally conservative presidents ever, who has a huge problem with saying yes to throwing away our tax dollars. Just like all Republicans. There are several levels to the word conservative as far as the definition goes, so we will just look at one.

Conservative – Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.

George Bush highly opposes change, just look at his favoritism of the constitution. Reform, for George Bush, is just another word for big government moving towards totalitarianism, something he won’t be a part of. You know, as he said in his presidential platform in 2000. It’s obvious why George Bush didn’t want to back Stem Cell research. It’s reform. It’s big government. It’s change. Well, that and the children.

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We recieved this email complaint yesterday from a Sir Ludwig Van Hutten. One can only assume that it should be read with a thick British accent.

Dear Sir:

I’m am writing about the subtle homophobic tone that Blue Damage has taken, especially since Max Power has started writing for the publication. Chaps that take issue with homosexuality scare me. What are they afraid of? What’s wrong with being bent as a bottle of chips?

Normally, those more prone to accept the gay population will say, “I have no problem with gay people, as long as they don’t hit on me.” Or, something along the lines of, “As long as we don’t have any social interaction, we won’t have a problem.” Backs to the wall right? These people get mad as a box of frogs! I take offense to this, I have friends that are homosexual!

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