Why googling for the phrase "my internets are", you will find such gems as...

• My Internets are fastel than yours.
• My Internets are being starved of their my internet supply.
• My Internets are safe. (This was "varified")
• My Internets are the down.
• My Internets are telling me conflicting stories.
• My Internets are very powerful, and thou shall find thyself tumbling and screaming in a raging whirlwind of cleverly crafted and origional insults.
• My Internets are consistent now.
• My Internets are leaving for a week or two.
• My Internets are particularly flakey today.
• My Internets are telling me that they are read only. What do I do? (nice)
• My Internets are going to be raped.

What are your internets up to?

20 year old Katrina Hurri is having a terrible month. "I'm not sure why, but, everyone is being very mean to me," Katrina told us. "I get terrible looks, especially after I tell someone my name. Last week, my Mom called my name in a store and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and nearly flicked me off."

Katrina's friend, Rita, is facing a similar and strange bad vibe from people. "Everyone is being mean to me too, I don't get it. I'm a really nice person, I've never been mean to anyone." Katrina and Rita, who volunteer in the local Salvation Army once a month had a frightening experience earlier this week. "People would refuse our help after they saw our name tags. One customer told me that, 'I'd rather kill my own mother than accept help from you.' Can you believe that?" Katrina told us.

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All over the world, people are very impressed with the latest Apple gadget, the little brother of the iPod, the iPod Nano. It's very cool looking at first, but, looks can be decieving, huh Marc Summers? Here at Blue Damage Headquaters we were given an opportunity to try one out and give a review for our dedicated readers. Without further ado, here is why the iPod Nano Sucks (and it does a lot).

First of all, since it is so small you can't even fit cds in it! How are we supposed to play music on this device without CDs? It just doesn't make sense. We spent at least 3 hours trying to insert a CD into the iPod Nano, but, we were largely unsuccessful. We did what any person having trouble would do, we loaded up our copy of the internets and started searching. We found some solutions such as waving the compact disk counter-clockwise over the iPod in an attempt to transfer the files. Also, we tryed plugging our Sony Walkman (which plays CDs correctly) into the iPod to "record" the songs on the iPod. Both solutions were ultimately unsuccessful and we are still searching.

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In what seemed a normal summers evening at Patel O’Patty’s Pub in Cork Ireland, one of the most reality titty-twisting events in our modern history was to occur. The area is well known for its large fantasy population: fairies, banshees, brownies, leprechauns, pixies, and so on, which is why no one was surprised when Harold Q. Goldman, a 134 year old Jewish leprechaun entered the pub for his nightly drunkening. Harold’s reputation is well known in these parts.

Despite his traditional Irish Jew upbringing, he lost most all of his “Pot o’ Gold” on poorly performing internet stocks, with the last bits wasted on the Euro-Disney travesty. So when an American tourist asked how the broke old leprechaun could afford his day’s worth of whiskey, the locals were shocked that they had not noticed it earlier.

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For years, users wanting to import a Microsoft excel spreadsheet into a Microsoft word document had to do it by hand. This is somewhat frustrating since it could take several days to recreate some spreadsheets. These unfortunate users are in luck because of the latest Office Updates available on Microsoft's site. The fine software engineers at Microsoft have developed an interesting new way to import called the Smart Import XP. This will allow you to import a spreadsheet into anything including word documents, ms paint pics, internets etc.

First, you open up the Excel Spreadsheet and print it out. Make sure you print it out on one page, because, it won't work otherwise. This is very important. Then fax the printed spreadsheet to your computer. Make sure your computer has fax enabled. You can do this by clicking on the Start Menu -> Fax -> Enable Fax -> Now. You can also enable fax using command prompt by typing the following command.

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When a computer asks you to delete the internets you should sheepishly oblige.

The process of deleting the internets does take quite a while, sometimes up to a half an hour. But, think about how much space this will clear up on your hard drive! Make sure you have a backup of the internets before you delete them incase you need them in the future. Below are some common problems with deleting the internets that we have received in emails. Solutions follow. You can send us more questions here or post in this thread.

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George Lucas, known to some as the mastermind of Star Wars, is currently working on a new project entitled, 'The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars.' George Lucas told Blue Damage, "It's an epic tale about a crew recording behind the scenes of Star Wars. A struggle against time, agitated emus and myself. I stand by these as my creation beyond the creation."

Apparently, there will be over 5 versions released of "The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars." These will all be released over the next 6 months.

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Why do people keep contacting Blue Damage telling us to try out Firefox? A couple of months ago, our entire staff (we all run Windows 3.1) tried out Firefox and came to a few conclusions about this terrible excuse for a piece of software. The general synopsis of our conclusion revolves around it sucking almost as much trying to surf the internets on a Mac.

First off, you can't customize Firefox at all. You are basically stuck with the defaults or WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Maybe they should make this software open source so people can develop useful plugins or nice themes for it. Internet Explorer has tons of cool plugins like Cool Search, MySearch etc. Some plugins will even change your IE homepage to a neat internet portal so you can effortlessly purchase provisions like Viagra and play Online Poker!

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