Why do people keep contacting Blue Damage telling us to try out Firefox? A couple of months ago, our entire staff (we all run Windows 3.1) tried out Firefox and came to a few conclusions about this terrible excuse for a piece of software. The general synopsis of our conclusion revolves around it sucking almost as much trying to surf the internets on a Mac.

First off, you can’t customize Firefox at all. You are basically stuck with the defaults or WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Maybe they should make this software open source so people can develop useful plugins or nice themes for it. Internet Explorer has tons of cool plugins like Cool Search, MySearch etc. Some plugins will even change your IE homepage to a neat internet portal so you can effortlessly purchase provisions like Viagra and play Online Poker!

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Warning, spoilers!

The staff here at Blue Damage is very knowledgeable about the Star Wars series. Therefore, it is a shame to say that the majority of us were very unimpressed with Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith. Hands down, it was terrible and quite possibly the worst movie ever made. XXX, State of the Union was way better than this piece of shit movie. Here are the main reasons why Star Wars 3 Sucks.

First, there were little to no special effects in the movie. A movie like Star Wars should have some great eye candy, if based alone on the other episodes. After all, it was produced by the company Industrial Light and Magic, world renowned for amazing special effects. I guess I was wrong. The only thing that they did animate in this movie was Hayden Christensen (the kid who plays Padme). He did look real though.

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If you’ve ever been on the internet, you probably have or have had a computer virus at some point. That is unless you use a Mac (they can’t access the internet). While the majority of viruses are damaging, extremely annoying and make you want to pound your head repeatedly into a brick wall, every once and a while a virus actually is useful and warranted. OK, this probably the first. Stan Downings, a student at USF, has written a self replicating virus that does some interesting things when users go surfing on the wonderful world wide web.

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We all knew it was coming, like an itch after tapping questionable ass. Frank Globberton, 47 year old software engineer, is suing a neighbor for a dirty look. “Since I crossed eyes with this monster I just haven’t been the same. I lie around awake at night, I haven’t been productive at work, I can’t eat… The worst is I don’t get a kick out of old reruns of Growing Pains anymore, my favorite show. It’s really changed my life,” Frank told us.

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Blue Damage will have a new owner starting April 20th 2005. Geraldo Rivera, also known as the moustache man, will become the new host of the site indefinitely on this date. Blue Damage will then be charging $12.99 per membership. We believe it is a “reasonable fee” and people will be happy to pay it. It will also begin to feature advertisements. Nothing too intrusive of course, just a few pop-ups pointing you to seriously awesome poker sites.

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It seems that the more cowbell phenomenon needs to be taken a little more seriously, now more so than ever. Bruce Disraeli, a 23 year old male, was pronounced dead a little before 8 AM this morning. Diagnosis from the doctors? A brain aneurysm. Diagnosis from us? Too much Cowbell.

Phil, who wishes to keep his last name anonymous, spoke to Blue Damage for a bit about his relationship with Bruce. “He really put me through hell, I can’t believe I’m not the one lying there dead,” Phil said. “He would incessantly beat on that damn cowbell all hours of the day. I swear, I almost snapped several times.”

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If the resurrection of Jesus Christ should bring anything to mind, it’s definitely fattening candy and coloring Easter eggs with hideous pastel colors. Some families afterwards even “hide” the Easter eggs in a ritual similar to the Jewish tradition of firing at spinning dreidels with sniper rifles. This Easter may not be so great for those expecting a nice visit from the Easter Bunny. He’s on strike this year and he’s sick of your whining.

“I just really need a year off, I’m sick of this job. I’ve sold my soul to the corporate world for what again? Misplaced fame?” said the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny told us his constantly increasing prescription of Prozac and Xanax isn’t helping at all and it’s interfering with his alcoholism. He pulled out a Virginia Slim from his pack and held it in his noticeable shaky hand for a few seconds before lighting it.

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The quirky label of music, deemed nerd rap by the haters, is inspiring a new generation of rappers. No chains, no Escalades and certainly no time for those hoes. Subtract that and add pocket protectors, calculators and nasal spray; you’re about to get battled rapped by a nerd. Ya heard.

Cedrick Wilford, a self-proclaimed nerd rapper, helped jump start the movement at his local high school. “I started listening to rappers like Aesop Rock, Illogic, Slug, Slim Thug, Nas, Paul Barman etc. I became quite fascinated with this nerd rap stuff, it’s pretty neat. Not as neat as my locker though,” Cedrick told us. “One day I thought to myself, hey this stuff is pretty nerdy like me, maybe I could jump on the bandwagon?” Cedrick pondered.

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