A new product from the Kameo Corporation was just released in Japan. It consists of a headless torso and a stuffed arm that “holds” the lonely sleeper. It is called the Boyfriend’s Arm Pillow, and it’s quite the interesting idea. We interviewed a few Japanese people that have used the product. Here were their responses.

Chikuma Akera, age 26, found it to be quite a frightening experience. “Sometimes, when I’m half asleep, the hand caresses my arm. At first, it was emotionally satisfying, but it’s starting to get quite uncomfortable,” said Chikuma nervously. Jun Tansho, age 32, said she was very impressed with the product. “It’s just satisfying to know that I can sleep well at night and feel secure in the process,” she stated. “The pillow can get quite frisky too, gently rubbing my nipples while I read or watch TV. I really haven’t gone all the way with it or anything yet!” Jun tells us followed by a hearty laugh. “It’s kind of sexy… like the wind,” she said seductively.

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Are you familiar with Bollywood, even if only through Amon Tobin’s sound manipulation on Out from Outwhere [how's that for a ludicrously obscure reference]? Well, you may know the name Aishwarya Rai. Earlier this week, news was released that the former Miss World had possibly been cloned somewhere at a secret facility in London. Rumors spread about the town quickly. The gossip became bizarre. People suggested everything from Aishwarya had been cloned and fused together with a spawn of Michael Jackson to her having her arms surgically removed and replaced by tentacles with razor sharp armor capable of cutting through a human sternum.

Today, all false statements subsided as Aishwarya Rai took part in a shocking photo shoot with her clone. Some are saying it is somewhat of an outlandish thing to do. “What if the clone tries to steal the spotlight, Aishwarya? What will you do then?!” a concerned Indian citizen said. Rai is now working on the film Pride and Prejudice which is being marketed like a worldwide blockbuster. If successful, she will be the first Indian Star to breakthrough to Bollywood’s ugly and evil step sister, Hollywood. Hopefully, the real Aishwarya will get the credit.

Oh man, this is great! I’m supposed to keep this confidential per our email conversation, but, I’m way too excited to do that! I received an email from a Mr. Samuel Kouame earlier today. Basically, his father was a very wealthy gold merchant in Accra. He was recently killed during a business trip with his associates (those back stabbers). Luckily, before he actually died, he called my correspondent, Mr. Kouame, and let him know of $7.5 Million and 40 kg of gold that he had in a secret bank account for him!

This is where I come in. I will get at least $1.5 Million dollars of this just for letting Mr. Samuel Kouame use my bank account to transfer the money! That is basically all I have to do. I just forwarded Mr. Samuel Kouame my bank account number with pin number, my social security number and a copy of my license and birth certificate just to make sure that everything goes along without a hitch. Thank god for the internet. I would have never received such a great opportunity!

Note: This is a joke and if you receive an email like this, it is a scam.

I have been very tired lately, especially today, running on 2 hours of sleep. I’m sure that I am not the only one that gets tired. Making such a statement would be irresponsible and quite ridiculous. We need a remedy for this, and quickly. Wait, here comes another brilliant idea brought to you by Blue Damage! How about “Sleep in a Bottle.” Yes!

For each pill that you will take, it is equivalent to 8 hours of sleep. I’m not talking about caffeine pills. I mean the real deal sleep that we need for our bodies to function. Think about how much more we would accomplish without sleep. The economy would be better, people would probably be nicer and more productive and, most importantly, I wouldn’t be tired.

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Student A has a major dilemma. It is almost 10:30 p.m. and he hasn’t even started his report for english class. The report is due tomorrow and is worth 20% of his final grade. He recalls writing a very good paper about Flamingos in high school, the same subject that he must do his research paper on. He frantically searched for the paper, fumbling through folders and drawers till approximately 2:37 a.m. He then realizes it is hopeless. He has been searching for hours. Exhausted, he finally gives up. He has no report to turn in the next day, and subsequently fails his class. Due to the failure of the class, he loses his scholarship. Since student A can’t afford college, he drops out. He spends the rest of his life living with his parents, eating Frosted Flakes every morning, and watching reruns of Full House every night.

Student B has the same problem. Student B is in the same class as student A. The topic of student B’s report is duck-billed platypuses. It is getting pretty late, and she has not started her report either. Student B remembers the A+ paper that she wrote in 11th grade, which was on duck-billed platypuses. Excited, she jumps on her computer and loads a magical program by the name of Instafind. She quickly types in the description of the paper, and another screen loads automatically. This screen shows the exact location of the paper. She runs to the garage, pulls out a box, digs to the bottom… BA-ZING! Her paper was in that box! She types it up on her computer, prints it out, and is in bed by 11:30. Student B gets another A+ for this paper and is able to keep her scholarship. She passes the class, graduates from college, and receives a job from a very respectable company.

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Welcome to the greatest blog on the internet. Ever. A few member of Blue Distortion have teamed to bring you the strangest and most distorted content that is available as an RSS feed. We will be making comments available as soon as possible. Till then, sit back and enjoy the smooth modulations of Blue Damage, your source for the best information on the internet.

“Wait a minute, why does Blue Distortion have a blog?” you might be murmuring to yourself. Well, we wanted to join the glamorous world of blogging too! Why can’t we be a part of all the fun? “Blogging is fun?” you might be questioning. Of course it’s fun! Look at all the neat things you can read in blogs. Besides, we think blogs and open source initiatives are becoming the best source for information on the internet. “Why do my privates itch so bad?” you might be saying. We can’t help you there, best to leave that sort of answer up to a doctor.

While your waiting for some more blog posts, why not check out some art that Blue Distortion has to offer? Check out some graffiti in Atlanta or some tribal designs!