20 year old Katrina Hurri is having a terrible month. “I’m not sure why, but, everyone is being very mean to me,” Katrina told us. “I get terrible looks, especially after I tell someone my name. Last week, my Mom called my name in a store and everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and nearly flicked me off.”

Katrina’s friend, Rita, is facing a similar and strange bad vibe from people. “Everyone is being mean to me too, I don’t get it. I’m a really nice person, I’ve never been mean to anyone.” Katrina and Rita, who volunteer in the local Salvation Army once a month had a frightening experience earlier this week. “People would refuse our help after they saw our name tags. One customer told me that, ‘I’d rather kill my own mother than accept help from you.’ Can you believe that?” Katrina told us.

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Can you smell it? No, not your stinky roommate, not those self-aware half eaten Ramen noodles either. I’m not even referring to your torn up khaki cargo pants, the ones that you loved back in 98, and most likely haven’t washed since. I’m talking about the fear people.

It is the portent of doom and destruction. It is the dark miasma that descends annually to weigh on the already crestfallen souls of every God loving, and fearing, American (Karl Rove, Karl Rove). It is the destroyer of homes and slayer of nations. The mere mention of whom sends the stock market crashing, Arabs dancing, and tiny orphans crying home to their mothers. Yes I am referring to the “Holy shit, it’s coming right for us!” hurricane.

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Yeah, so, um… the boycott of Hurricane Jeanne didn’t go over so well. All of the protesting didn’t work and Jeanne owned Florida pretty bad in the same fashion of Frances. After Ivan, I was submerged into the false sense of security that we infact do have control over hurricanes. Well, my friends, we don’t have control over hurricanes. They are very powerful and we won’t be telling them where to go… they tell us where to go. They will go where ever the hell they please.

With a teary eye and some whiny emo music playing in the background (for my tortured soul), I am announcing my withdraw from leadership of the hurricane boycotts. I have given it plenty of thought. Hell, there isn’t much to do without electricity except for some deep thinking. I’ll just have to sit back and deal with these hurricanes until the season is over, just like everyone else.

Well, I have good news. All the boycotting from Hurricane Ivan worked! People doubted me, sent me hate mail, stole my shrubbery, threw tomatoes at my house and, above all, tried to deflate our resolve. After all of this, our plans of boycotting Ivan worked. We didn’t prepare and over 300 people gathered on the beaches of St. Petersburg, Florida and protested the storm. While it was quite scary, as you can see, Ivan passed us right by only to hit the Florida Panhandle. Let me apologize to the people that received damage from Ivan; we had no idea that we had so much power in determining the path of the storm.

Now it’s Jeanne that want to threaten us with it’s strong, yet mysteriously sexy winds and heavy rain. The devastation will stop here. We are going to boycott this storm as well. I haven’t prepared one bit and don’t plan on doing so. If you would like to join our protest, check the latest hurricane predictions and meet us where the eye will be directly hitting the east of Florida. Our resolve must be strong and diligent! We did not take any shit from Ivan and we will take the same approach for Jeanne! Join us, this is a call to arms!

Florida’s weather in the summer sucks. Everday, your guaranteed to step out of the house and start sweating profusely before you even make it to the oven that is your car. Imagine what it is like with no air conditioning! Hurricanes are no laughing matter either! Parts of Florida were lucky enough to miss Charlie and be on the east coast for Frances. Now, the category 5 storm Ivan wants to play around with us and toy with our anxiety. The experts will tell you that there is nothing that we can do to change the outcome of the storm’s path. I think that is false, and this is why I think we should boycott hurricanes.

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