It seems that the more cowbell phenomenon needs to be taken a little more seriously, now more so than ever. Bruce Disraeli, a 23 year old male, was pronounced dead a little before 8 AM this morning. Diagnosis from the doctors? A brain aneurysm. Diagnosis from us? Too much Cowbell.

Phil, who wishes to keep his last name anonymous, spoke to Blue Damage for a bit about his relationship with Bruce. “He really put me through hell, I can’t believe I’m not the one lying there dead,” Phil said. “He would incessantly beat on that damn cowbell all hours of the day. I swear, I almost snapped several times.”

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The quirky label of music, deemed nerd rap by the haters, is inspiring a new generation of rappers. No chains, no Escalades and certainly no time for those hoes. Subtract that and add pocket protectors, calculators and nasal spray; you’re about to get battled rapped by a nerd. Ya heard.

Cedrick Wilford, a self-proclaimed nerd rapper, helped jump start the movement at his local high school. “I started listening to rappers like Aesop Rock, Illogic, Slug, Slim Thug, Nas, Paul Barman etc. I became quite fascinated with this nerd rap stuff, it’s pretty neat. Not as neat as my locker though,” Cedrick told us. “One day I thought to myself, hey this stuff is pretty nerdy like me, maybe I could jump on the bandwagon?” Cedrick pondered.

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It is quite hard to bridge the gap between this blog and the main website Blue Distortion, which deals mainly with art and music. However, this concept music does. Does your computer give you problems? Do you ever curse at your computer? Slap the side of the monitor? Pound on the keyboard with the rage and fury that only a spontaneous and unwanted reboot in the middle of something important can provoke? You are not alone.

Let’s look at the flipside. Computers, they put up with a lot of crap from their users. They are forced to take in data that they might necessarily like, but, you push it on them like the bastard you are. When was the last time you did something nice for your computer? Maybe your computer hates you. A lot.

Random acts of computer violence. Theory? Science Fiction? What if we were to find out how computers really feel about us. Presented is an experimental noise tune mixed in with a little bit of comedy. Yes, experimental noise with a bit of humor attached. Some may find this song disturbing. In that case, you should listen to it over and over again.

Download | Hifi Stream | Lofi Stream

The lyrics. more…

Another Bin Laden propaganda tape was released today to the world. There are apparently many things that have changed in the last few months with Bin Laden. The reason for Jihad is one of them. “Well, it loosely translates to we need more cowbell,” said interpreter Gene Shalls after analyzing the new tape. Translators and our team of investigators have been working around the clock trying to find the cowbell connection. It appears that Bin Laden has abandoned his hatred for the West and channeled it into love for cowbell.

The new video is leaving many insurgents confused and strangely aroused. Apparently, in the Koran, a cowbell symbolizes male fertility, or at least that’s what our investigators have found out. Already, across the Middle East, cowbell demand has gone up close to 1029%! That’s a lot of cowbell. The caves in Afghanistan will certainly be reverberating with the most pleasant sounding musical instrument ever, that we can be thankful for.

Steve Widdle, former front man for the hardcore emo band “Forgive All the Blood,” died last week of undisclosed causes. Authorities would not release any information regarding his death. However, our team of investigators have found evidence that this wasn’t related to disease, badgers or even an accident; it was caused by being too Emo. We interviewed a couple of his close friends to find out more.

“At first, it was just a little bit of Dashboard Confessional here and there,” says his best friend / bassist Tom Ronalds. “You know, he was just about the music and having fun.” Tom told us that things quickly got out of hand right before his eyes.

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Vinny Silverstein is no stranger to the underground scene of Polka. “Yeah, I’ve been DJing Polka for about 8 years now,” said Vinny. Vinny’s DJ name is Polkahontas and he is well know for his extremely underground, dark and heavy selection of Polka. He told us a little bit about the scene and his growing disdain for it. “Back about 10 years, in the early days of underground polka, the scene was way more relaxed. It was just starting to get good… and… you know… people were really nice to one another.” Vinny blames the slow commercialization of Polka and the new scene whores ruining the vibe. “We call them polkalists. Fuck polkalists. They are just way too scene for me,” whimpered Vinny.

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I have recently been informed that this blog needs more cowbell. It got me thinking and I have come to a realization. Not only does this blog need more cowbell, but my life is missing it too. Therefore, I have decided to take a cowbell wherever I go and bang on it relentlessly.

When people tell me to stop or else I’ll “get fired” or “get my ass beat,” I’ll look at them straight in the eye hypnotically and say, “You need more cowbell.” Maybe then they will begin to understand the deeper meaning and internal struggle of the cowbell and the extravagant statement I’m making by banging on it everywhere I go. Well, I can only hope. I know that some people will not see the brilliance in it, and it’s not those people that concern me. The ones with a fever are way more important. They need to realize immediately, that the only prescription is more cowbell. *bangs on cowbell*

Check Bin Laden Calls for More Cowbell and Too Much Cowbell? for more cowbell propaganda.

Describing drum and bass is always a challenge. It seems someone on Urban Dictionary has got it all figured out so we don’t have to worry anymore.

Dnb is typically played at satanic rave parties where girls are raped 6 times a night and everyone is forced to take Ecstasy by the promoters. Junglists usually don’t take ecstasy however; they prefer cannabis or pcp. Because of this, the dnb room probably seems alot less friendly than the rest of the rave to most people who don’t know what a amen is. Jungle is also associated with thug culture and there are alot of mean junglists who could kick your ass.

Classic! This passage was originally taken from Urban Dictionary, however, the definition has recently been removed.