While it is surprising to see Mark Foley without his "child shield" in an interview, we were able to catch up with him and discuss the recent allegations and a few predictions from the Blue Damage team. One on one, via AIM. If you are wondering what a "child shield" is, it is in reference to a recent interview where Foley had several children on the stage around him to evade questions about his behavior from 2003-2005. Here is the interview.

BD: Mr. Foley, we appreciate you finding the time to speak with us.

Maf54: lets make this quick, House is on in a few mnutes

BD: Did you ever come into sexual contact with these young men?

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It would come without a shock that the first and only bill that George Bush would veto would have to do with Stem Cell research. Of course, this isn't news as all as it happened nearly a month ago. However, there are new developments in the story that Blue Damage was able to uncover. But first, we need to explore a little about George Bush and his relationship with these cells. President Bush is one of the most fiscally conservative presidents ever, who has a huge problem with saying yes to throwing away our tax dollars. Just like all Republicans. There are several levels to the word conservative as far as the definition goes, so we will just look at one.

Conservative - Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.

George Bush highly opposes change, just look at his favoritism of the constitution. Reform, for George Bush, is just another word for big government moving towards totalitarianism, something he won't be a part of. You know, as he said in his presidential platform in 2000. It's obvious why George Bush didn't want to back Stem Cell research. It's reform. It's big government. It's change. Well, that and the children.

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When something or someone upsets me I tend to release my angry blood by writing a scathing satire. I unleash a lampoon so pretentious, so crass and so inane that no one in their right mind will understand or appreciate it. The following will be no exception.

But it could have been, oh sweet, slim and sassy Jesus it could have been. I was going to try to be a little more sympathetic with my slander, a bit more likeable with my libel, but that was not to be my destiny. It seems to me that we are all pushed onto certain paths in life for a reason. It’s our responsibility as self-actualized adults to be true to ourselves and follow that path. That’s why I really don’t have a choice in what I’m about to do.

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At our noon meeting, the editor here at Blue Damage, my boss, pulled me aside to his office. "Great!" I thought, "How many times do I have to suck this guy off before I get my wife's severed foot back?" But it had absolutely nothing to do with that, it was about an interview for me to do with a famous white supremacist author. This man has evidently splintered off from the main stream hatred and is creating a fresh new movement for other, similar minded Aryan assholes to get behind.

Now I admit, I had a bunch of preconceived notions of white toothless hicks, banjo music, belly butting fingering, and anal sodomy. But my editor assured me, they have a great dental plan. Today's hate filled mountain folk are much more sophisticated than their earlier predecessors. They have made use of all sorts of modern amenities including the tooth brush and racist robot sentry droids, capable of identifying ethnic intruders then acting loud and ignorant until the trespasser leaves in disgust. I, being well educated and therefore very white, was granted admittance to meet their leader.

Chris Crossburner is an incredibly well spoken inbred hick. He is middle aged, perhaps 45, has balding strawberry blond hair, cut in the traditional mullet, and is very physically imposing due to him being a 9 foot tall mongoloid cyborg, trained in the deadly arts of Ninjitsu and hate speech. We sat down on the porch for a spot of tea.

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It is safe to say that George Bush is going to have another bad year. Not only has his prostate swollen up like a grapefruit recently, but, today the former FEMA chief Michael Brown testified before a Senate committee. Michael spoke about how the government was very slow to act and he shouldn't have been solely blamed for the terrible response to the tragedy.

While FEMA was directly responsible for emergency management, hence the name Federal Emergency Management Agency, failures by the federal government and Homeland Security didn't help at all either. George Bush, who spent most of the week after the hurricane hit playing golf and pushing his social security initiative, quickly responded to allegations of federal failures by Michael Brown with a new, fictitious character know as an Elfkin.

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The recent appalling failures in national security outlined by the 9/11 Commission’s report were found not to be due to obvious Executive, Legislative, and Judicial impotence. Rather on purpose, in an asinine attempt to stem the ever escalating violence.

Michael Chertoff comments to the media while throwing rocks from atop his heavily fortified, bullet proof glass house, “If we bring our A-game, then so will the terrorists, this will result in more and more devious plots against our innocent virgin lands. You see, we’ve learned a lot of lessons from the Cold War’s arms race, so now we are doing the opposite. If we seem lazy and lax about the way we work, it’s all by my grand design!”

Who’s Michael Chertoff? Yeah, he became the Secretary of Homeland Security after Tom Ridge evolved into pure energy about a year ago (hail Satan). Any way he had some more, very alliterative, things to say.

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After being continuously baffled by the growing threat of Al Queda and the war in Iraq, United States Anti-terrorism and Defense leaders developed a new, long-term, plan to set apart the destruction of the Arab cultures as we now know them. The idea surfaced after numerous soldiers reported Bon Jovi and Pat Benatar music blaring, along with Z Cavariccies, Jams, and slap bracelets seen all through out the Arab Street. That’s when their plan came together, just like a sadistic jig-saw puzzle next-day-ground delivered, from the 9th plane of hell.

If Arab culture mimics American culture 20 years in the past, knowing this, we can now control how they will behave in the future. The idea being, if suicide were made to be a popular trend in today’s Hollywood, by around 2025 all the Arabs in the world will be dead, and without that pesky Manifest Destiny / power hungry stigma we have going on now. The Country plans to leap into action with this one, there are no official names as of yet but keep a look out for your favorite Hollywood personalities to be extinguishing themselves in a variety of ways that might be available to the common Arab 20 years from now.

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The new wireless standard, 802.11n, is going to revolutionize the speed in which you get brain cancer. 802.11n is actually multiple waves of 802.11g, which was the previous standard. By using a 802.11n wireless router and reciever, you can transfer data on multiple lines at once! This can only mean one thing besides faster internets. This new standard will allow people to get brain cancer up to 2 to 3 times as efficiently! Wow!

Our undercover investigators were able to uncover some interesting details about this new wireless standard. Apparently, The American Academy of Neurology, sick of being overshadowed by the evil of the government, is behind the new wireless "cancer beams." "It is secretly guaranting them many, many more years of patients," an anonymous optometrist told us. Optometrists are well known for their hatred of neurologists and anti-neurology propaganda. It was also rumored that these new 802.11n routers were tested on new born kittens. None survived.