It is quite hard to bridge the gap between this blog and the main website Blue Distortion, which deals mainly with art and music. However, this concept music does. Does your computer give you problems? Do you ever curse at your computer? Slap the side of the monitor? Pound on the keyboard with the rage and fury that only a spontaneous and unwanted reboot in the middle of something important can provoke? You are not alone.

Let’s look at the flipside. Computers, they put up with a lot of crap from their users. They are forced to take in data that they might necessarily like, but, you push it on them like the bastard you are. When was the last time you did something nice for your computer? Maybe your computer hates you. A lot.

Random acts of computer violence. Theory? Science Fiction? What if we were to find out how computers really feel about us. Presented is an experimental noise tune mixed in with a little bit of comedy. Yes, experimental noise with a bit of humor attached. Some may find this song disturbing. In that case, you should listen to it over and over again.

Download | Hifi Stream | Lofi Stream

The lyrics. more…

After the wonderfully successful tutorial on how to backup the internet, we decided to write an equally important tutorial on how to ping everyone on the internets.

Sure, you are surfing online without any problems now, but, just how do you know that you will be able to connect to every site on the internets? How can you be so sure in your ISP? One of the other great uses of the Windows command prompt is pinging everyone. That is, you can ping every site online to make sure you will be able to connect to it in the future, just in case.

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Why do people keep sending us hate mail telling us that Macs are better than PCs? They definitely aren’t. We have done plenty of research on the subject and have come up with three main reasons why you should never use or buy a Mac. These reasons alone give you permission to kick anyone in the face that uses one. Or tar and feather them. Whichever you feel is appropriate for the situation.

Reason number one is the fact that Macs can’t view pictures, be it a jpg, gif or png file. Most people who use a computer would like to view pictures. I know most of the staff here does. We view pictures all the time. This is one of the most important parts of the computer, besides Minesweeper. How can you view pictures on a Mac when they don’t have any programs! Where is MS Paint? Where is ACDSee? These programs are not available, thus, you can not view any pictures on a Mac.

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LOL. LMAO. ROTFL. All common expressions to convey laughter over the internet. We’ve grown to love them. We use them a lot. What happens when people stop using these acronyms in the correct context? Sarah Bennett, internet surfer, admitted yesterday to a survey that she doesn’t actually laugh when typing LOL. “I never really found anything on the internet that funny… or at least worth laughing out loud over,” Sarah confided. “It’s definitely an over exaggeration on my part. When I type ROTFLMAO, at best I chuckle just a little. LOL to me is more like a heh,” she told us.

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In a series of events a little bit too similar to the humorous Office Space PC Load Letter issue, John Dems has had enough, and he surely isn’t laughing. “Chalk up another one for the Kodak 3200 Duplicator, it appears I’ve lost again,” said John. Working for a company with the bullsh*t title of “Facilities Clerk,” John is very familiar with copiers. “I’ve been doing copy jobs for over 4 years now. Ever since I started here, I’ve had nothing but problem after problem with this copier. I’m damn sick of it,” murmured John. What seemed to be an easy copy job this time around turned out to be a nightmare. Only 130 double-sided copies of 80 sheets was needed.

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We have been receiving a lot of email lately about the information apocalypse, which deals with the internet crashing or the internet disappearing completely. While we doubt that this will ever happen, some people want to be on top of things in case this ever does. We don’t blame you! Yes, people want a backup of the internet. This may sound like a joke, but, it’s for real.

What good is the internet if it disappears? It’s not like anyone is archiving the entire internet as we speak. That’s why we have written this quick guide on how to back up the internet with the beginner in mind. Before we get started, make sure you have the necessary items to complete this task. You will need a computer, an internet and some floppy disks.

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This is a joke. If you feel like being entertained, read on. Otherwise, check the comment here.

An administrator of the Blue Distortion Forums has taken Search Engine Optimization (SEO) a bit too far for phpBB. We met up with this administrator to see what approach he is taking and ask him a few questions. “Well, most of the search engines don’t like dynamic php pages [such as viewtopic.php?t=1] as much as static, html pages. I decided that, the easiest way to do this, is to just have everyone email me their topics and replies to topics and I will hand code all of the threads,” said the administrator. “I really can’t think of an easier way. It seems like it will be quite efficient. I think I’m going to start sometime next week.”

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Student A has a major dilemma. It is almost 10:30 p.m. and he hasn’t even started his report for english class. The report is due tomorrow and is worth 20% of his final grade. He recalls writing a very good paper about Flamingos in high school, the same subject that he must do his research paper on. He frantically searched for the paper, fumbling through folders and drawers till approximately 2:37 a.m. He then realizes it is hopeless. He has been searching for hours. Exhausted, he finally gives up. He has no report to turn in the next day, and subsequently fails his class. Due to the failure of the class, he loses his scholarship. Since student A can’t afford college, he drops out. He spends the rest of his life living with his parents, eating Frosted Flakes every morning, and watching reruns of Full House every night.

Student B has the same problem. Student B is in the same class as student A. The topic of student B’s report is duck-billed platypuses. It is getting pretty late, and she has not started her report either. Student B remembers the A+ paper that she wrote in 11th grade, which was on duck-billed platypuses. Excited, she jumps on her computer and loads a magical program by the name of Instafind. She quickly types in the description of the paper, and another screen loads automatically. This screen shows the exact location of the paper. She runs to the garage, pulls out a box, digs to the bottom… BA-ZING! Her paper was in that box! She types it up on her computer, prints it out, and is in bed by 11:30. Student B gets another A+ for this paper and is able to keep her scholarship. She passes the class, graduates from college, and receives a job from a very respectable company.

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