This is a joke. If you feel like being entertained, read on. Otherwise, check the comment here.

An administrator of the Blue Distortion Forums has taken Search Engine Optimization (SEO) a bit too far for phpBB. We met up with this administrator to see what approach he is taking and ask him a few questions. "Well, most of the search engines don't like dynamic php pages [such as viewtopic.php?t=1] as much as static, html pages. I decided that, the easiest way to do this, is to just have everyone email me their topics and replies to topics and I will hand code all of the threads," said the administrator. "I really can't think of an easier way. It seems like it will be quite efficient. I think I'm going to start sometime next week."

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The most important trials ever held in Iraq is undoubtedly those against Saddam and his evil regime. However, the trial just became a little more worrisome for prosecutors. Vital evidence for the forthcoming trials of the ousted president Saddam Hussein and other officials, has been lost or tainted. Everyone agrees that security expert John Clemmor is to blame. "I really do apologize for this. I mean, those documents were right here, like, a couple days ago," John stated. With a cool glass of lemonade spritzer in one hand and his Danielle Steel novel in the other, John didn't look too concerned.

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In a turn of events that shocked both the right and the left, Nader swept the presidential ballot like those neat Swiffer Sweepers that shoot that cleaning solution. Those things are fricking great. It was a landslide victory, with Nader taking almost 80% of the votes nationwide. Nader even took Texas. "I had no idea I could win this election. I mean, I don't even have a plan for what I'm going to do as president," Nader chuckled. "I have a few good ideas, but, that's about it right now."

Apparently, by the outcome of this election, Americans are sick and tired of having to choose between two evil parties that are both detrimental to the very essence of our country. They are sick of being sold out by corporate interests and the corruption that comes with greed in the Republican and Democratic parties. Seriously.

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Installing tracking devices in dogs just looks silly now. Japanese toy maker Tomy Co. Ltd. launched a new product called "Wonderful Shot" yesterday at a cost of 9,240 yen (87 dollars). It can take pictures from the device and allow you to view the world from a "dog's point of view." As evident in the picture, dogs find this really exciting and wonder how they lived without it for so long. The camera also has an optional shocking feature, allowing you to easily deliver 140 volts of electricity to the dog if they are doing something wrong. The self explosion feature, which kills the dog on impact, was developed alongside the product, but never actually implemented in any of the devices. Plans are in the making for a "Wonderful Shot" hybrid with satellite connection allowing you to record real-time videos from the dogs point of view. Think about how exciting that would be, 24 hours of footage a day available in dog vision! Unfortunately, dog voyeurists outside of Japan will not be able to enjoy this wonderful luxury as the Tomy Co. has no plans to export the product.

When no one else will take blame for the missing 380 tons of explosives in Iraq, certainly sercurity officer John Clemmor will. "I just wanted to apologize for the lost 380 tons of explosives that has gone missing in Iraq," said John. "It's kind of my fault I guess, I was supposed to be guarding it and stuff. I was really caught up that day in this Danielle Steel novel I was reading." John said he was sorry and wouldn't let it happen again. John's friend Roger, also a security expert in the military, had some kind words about John. "John really is a great guy. It's true, he is a little drifty at times, especially when he is engaged in those Danielle Steel novels. He reads those books like they are going out of style."

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US sports tycoon Malcolm Glazer, who now owns nearly 28% of Manchester Utd, has ended talks with the club over a few issues. United said Mr Glazer's proposed move was "not in the best interests" of the club because it relied too much on borrowed money. Also, it doesn't help that Glazer appears to be a large version of a leprechaun on crack. "He really is scary looking. We don't want him to represent United. Shave the fricking scary beard and get your teeth whitened for crying out loud," stated the club. United said that they intended "to have further discussions with the Glazer family and other interested shareholders once they are able to deal with Glazer's appearance." It is up in the air when this could be.

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The latest tech sensation is blogging, a new form of media that is sweeping the internet with it's cold and sweaty hands. No doubt, the hundreds of new bloggers that pop up daily can attest to this. Blogging is huge! However, many people don't realize the hazardous and possibly deadly addiction that it is to blog.

A correspondent of Blue Damage caught up with Michael Jimberly, roommate of Tom Burgess who recently died blogging. Michael recalls the beginning days of Tom's blog addiction. "It started off quite innocent. He would come home from work, spend a few minutes writing on his blog and he would be finished," Michael said. "Then he started to change. He would be blogging for hours upon hours a day, it was quite scary."

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There has been a conspiracy theory floating around the internet since the presidential debates began. According to some pictures taken of George Bush from behind, there is a suspicion that he was using a wireless (wifi) receiver during the debates. Many are convinced that there is no other explanation for the noticeable bulge in the middle of his upper back.

Let's face it. If the president was going to use a wireless receiver during the debates, do you think he would be a bit more discrete about it? Across the internet, bloggers and reporters have apparently found the device used and linked to the page. This page labels the product as "affordable." Do you really think that George Bush doesn't have the budget to purchase, maybe, an "expensive" wifi unit? When was the last time you recall Bush worrying about a budget anyway? Do you think that maybe John Kerry wears one too and the receiver is tucked away under his taint? Who cares! Both of them look like complete assholes, and a wireless device won't save them from that. Well, you may be asking, "What is that in the pictures then?" Here's my theory.

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