All over the world, people are very impressed with the latest Apple gadget, the little brother of the iPod, the iPod Nano. It's very cool looking at first, but, looks can be decieving, huh Marc Summers? Here at Blue Damage Headquaters we were given an opportunity to try one out and give a review for our dedicated readers. Without further ado, here is why the iPod Nano Sucks (and it does a lot).

First of all, since it is so small you can't even fit cds in it! How are we supposed to play music on this device without CDs? It just doesn't make sense. We spent at least 3 hours trying to insert a CD into the iPod Nano, but, we were largely unsuccessful. We did what any person having trouble would do, we loaded up our copy of the internets and started searching. We found some solutions such as waving the compact disk counter-clockwise over the iPod in an attempt to transfer the files. Also, we tryed plugging our Sony Walkman (which plays CDs correctly) into the iPod to "record" the songs on the iPod. Both solutions were ultimately unsuccessful and we are still searching.

more...

Blue Damage had an opportunity to speak with John Roberts today about a few subjects of interest to him. Future Chief Justice John Roberts told us that he was considering renaming the Supreme Court the "Extreme" Court once he is confirmed. "It's rock and roll baby! Are you ready to ROCK?!" John Roberts screamed.

While Blue Damage is ALWAYS ready to rock at the drop of a hat, we were slightly confused why at his Senate confirmation hearing, he wasn't actually confirming anything. "Yes, I am leaving everybody in the dark on key issues, except for the fact that I love the movie Dr. Zhivago. That got a few laughs didn't it," Roberts joked. "What can I say, it's a good movie."

more...

Mother nature, with it's sexy winds and blistering sun, was the latest target of Washington's axis of evil earlier this week. After Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans, a lot of politicians are saying enough is enough. "It's hard work," said President Bush. "American's have resolve and we will win the fight against mother nature, and spread freedom around the world. I will not rest or go on vacation for months at a time until we have mother nature in custody, dead or alive." Many were shocked to hear that a war against mother nature is being funded by a nation drowning in debt, none the less being held at all.

more...

In what seemed a normal summers evening at Patel O’Patty’s Pub in Cork Ireland, one of the most reality titty-twisting events in our modern history was to occur. The area is well known for its large fantasy population: fairies, banshees, brownies, leprechauns, pixies, and so on, which is why no one was surprised when Harold Q. Goldman, a 134 year old Jewish leprechaun entered the pub for his nightly drunkening. Harold’s reputation is well known in these parts.

Despite his traditional Irish Jew upbringing, he lost most all of his “Pot o’ Gold” on poorly performing internet stocks, with the last bits wasted on the Euro-Disney travesty. So when an American tourist asked how the broke old leprechaun could afford his day’s worth of whiskey, the locals were shocked that they had not noticed it earlier.

more...

For years, users wanting to import a Microsoft excel spreadsheet into a Microsoft word document had to do it by hand. This is somewhat frustrating since it could take several days to recreate some spreadsheets. These unfortunate users are in luck because of the latest Office Updates available on Microsoft's site. The fine software engineers at Microsoft have developed an interesting new way to import called the Smart Import XP. This will allow you to import a spreadsheet into anything including word documents, ms paint pics, internets etc.

First, you open up the Excel Spreadsheet and print it out. Make sure you print it out on one page, because, it won't work otherwise. This is very important. Then fax the printed spreadsheet to your computer. Make sure your computer has fax enabled. You can do this by clicking on the Start Menu -> Fax -> Enable Fax -> Now. You can also enable fax using command prompt by typing the following command.

more...

“Retail stores are not doing a very good job of parenting,” booms a self-righteous Senator Clinton as she dismounts her 25 foot tall robotic Clydesdale. “I mean, we entrust the raising of our children to these institutions and all they seem to care about is money,” she finishes, while wiping the dust and dung from her boots and giving it a taste. She is of course referring to the recent scandal in which pseudo sexual relations can be unlocked in the PC version of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.

Senator Clinton retires to the comfort of her magical, flying log cabin. A glass of Sutter Home in her right hand, a thick Icelandic cigar clenched between her tobacco stained teeth. Barely wearing a revealing red teddy at all, she sprawls herself in front of the fire. Her legs are open, wide open. She has no sign of shame on her crudely painted face, and no sign of attempts to cover her shame either (droopy curtains).

more...

When a computer asks you to delete the internets you should sheepishly oblige.

The process of deleting the internets does take quite a while, sometimes up to a half an hour. But, think about how much space this will clear up on your hard drive! Make sure you have a backup of the internets before you delete them incase you need them in the future. Below are some common problems with deleting the internets that we have received in emails. Solutions follow. You can send us more questions here or post in this thread.

more...

George Lucas, known to some as the mastermind of Star Wars, is currently working on a new project entitled, 'The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars.' George Lucas told Blue Damage, "It's an epic tale about a crew recording behind the scenes of Star Wars. A struggle against time, agitated emus and myself. I stand by these as my creation beyond the creation."

Apparently, there will be over 5 versions released of "The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars." These will all be released over the next 6 months.

more...