George Lucas, known to some as the mastermind of Star Wars, is currently working on a new project entitled, ‘The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars.’ George Lucas told Blue Damage, “It’s an epic tale about a crew recording behind the scenes of Star Wars. A struggle against time, agitated emus and myself. I stand by these as my creation beyond the creation.”

Apparently, there will be over 5 versions released of “The Making of Behind the Scenes of Star Wars.” These will all be released over the next 6 months.

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What may come as a shock to a majority of Americans, President Bush announced today that he would like to see alternative creationist theories in science education, theories such as intelligent design. “It’s hard work,” Bush said to reporters. This is obviously long overdue and a great addition to any public school. Bush is calling the initiative, “Intelligence Regression.” After hearing the news, several other religious groups are pushing to have their religious take on creationism being put on the curriculum as well. Religious groups like the Scientologists.

We got a chance to discuss with scientology spokesperson Tom Cruise about George Bush’s new initiative. “I think it’s a great idea… I’m going on Oprah tomorrow to show my support and push my religious agenda into science classes nationwide. This is a historical day! Now the whole world will know the true power of the Scientologists! MUAHAHAHAH!” Tom Cruise then started to jump all around our office, screaming something about a Katie and herpes. That’s all we could make out from what he was saying.

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Due to an ongoing DDoS attack by Scott Baio on our old server (blog.bluedistortion.com), we have moved the server over to http://www.bluedamage.com permanently. The XML feeds have changed as well, for the 3 people out there that actually read the blog. Scott Baio, you’re a bastard and I hate you. Thanks for ruining everything once again.

Can you smell it? No, not your stinky roommate, not those self-aware half eaten Ramen noodles either. I’m not even referring to your torn up khaki cargo pants, the ones that you loved back in 98, and most likely haven’t washed since. I’m talking about the fear people.

It is the portent of doom and destruction. It is the dark miasma that descends annually to weigh on the already crestfallen souls of every God loving, and fearing, American (Karl Rove, Karl Rove). It is the destroyer of homes and slayer of nations. The mere mention of whom sends the stock market crashing, Arabs dancing, and tiny orphans crying home to their mothers. Yes I am referring to the “Holy shit, it’s coming right for us!” hurricane.

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Hundreds of thousands of years of mediation and a few late night viewings of the Matrix have given the Ancient Trees of Wyoming’s Yellowstone National Park an epiphany. They don’t have to be flammable if they just believe in themselves. It seems that the controlled burns that were thought to help the forest ecosystem actually really pissed them off. Their cruel calculated revenge overwhelmed the unsuspecting park rangers and fat tourists wearing neon fanny packs.

It took only two hours for the state to be closed off and in complete arboreal control. All of Wyoming’s native residents were killed after their house plants turned them in. Over 3,000 tourists, both American and other, are currently being held hostage in the Tree’s fortified “Death Zone” awaiting the payment of the fanatical flora’s demands.

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Did you ever wonder why young children do not really understand the concept of beauty? The answer is very simple really. You see, in comparison, the aborigines of Australia don’t understand it when people ask them about their religion, because to them, everything is religion. To the child, everything is beauty. That is why I used to love car rides.

Every Wednesday, after I got home from school, and after I did my home work, my mom and I would drive out of our comfortable suburban neighborhood, down Hutchinson road, and into the Corner plaza to get some ice cream. Why every Wednesday? The answer is simple, you see Wednesdays are in the middle of the school week. The day when all of the stress from Monday and Tuesday weigh down on your shoulders like a third grade bully at recess, and the thought of the two more days until the weekend leaves you disheartened and tired. That is where ice cream comes in.

Car rides are always a sensory explosion of beauty. The trees have chocolate bark and peppermint leaves. There are giant rainbow colored swirl lollipops coming out of the bushes. Every one is smiling and happy. There is this huge world out there and I get to discover all of the beauty that it has to offer. The beginning of my voyage is ice cream. Frozen sugar coated love, a million trillion flavors of happiness to offer, but one stands out above the rest. Placed on a solid gold pedestal embedded with diamonds, rubies, and gobstoppers I approach it, yes, yes, cookies and cream.

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Why do people keep contacting Blue Damage telling us to try out Firefox? A couple of months ago, our entire staff (we all run Windows 3.1) tried out Firefox and came to a few conclusions about this terrible excuse for a piece of software. The general synopsis of our conclusion revolves around it sucking almost as much trying to surf the internets on a Mac.

First off, you can’t customize Firefox at all. You are basically stuck with the defaults or WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Maybe they should make this software open source so people can develop useful plugins or nice themes for it. Internet Explorer has tons of cool plugins like Cool Search, MySearch etc. Some plugins will even change your IE homepage to a neat internet portal so you can effortlessly purchase provisions like Viagra and play Online Poker!

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Warning, spoilers!

The staff here at Blue Damage is very knowledgeable about the Star Wars series. Therefore, it is a shame to say that the majority of us were very unimpressed with Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith. Hands down, it was terrible and quite possibly the worst movie ever made. XXX, State of the Union was way better than this piece of shit movie. Here are the main reasons why Star Wars 3 Sucks.

First, there were little to no special effects in the movie. A movie like Star Wars should have some great eye candy, if based alone on the other episodes. After all, it was produced by the company Industrial Light and Magic, world renowned for amazing special effects. I guess I was wrong. The only thing that they did animate in this movie was Hayden Christensen (the kid who plays Padme). He did look real though.

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