If the resurrection of Jesus Christ should bring anything to mind, it's definitely fattening candy and coloring Easter eggs with hideous pastel colors. Some families afterwards even "hide" the Easter eggs in a ritual similar to the Jewish tradition of firing at spinning dreidels with sniper rifles. This Easter may not be so great for those expecting a nice visit from the Easter Bunny. He's on strike this year and he's sick of your whining.

"I just really need a year off, I'm sick of this job. I've sold my soul to the corporate world for what again? Misplaced fame?" said the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny told us his constantly increasing prescription of Prozac and Xanax isn't helping at all and it's interfering with his alcoholism. He pulled out a Virginia Slim from his pack and held it in his noticeable shaky hand for a few seconds before lighting it.

more...

The quirky label of music, deemed nerd rap by the haters, is inspiring a new generation of rappers. No chains, no Escalades and certainly no time for those hoes. Subtract that and add pocket protectors, calculators and nasal spray; you're about to get battled rapped by a nerd. Ya heard.

Cedrick Wilford, a self-proclaimed nerd rapper, helped jump start the movement at his local high school. "I started listening to rappers like Aesop Rock, Illogic, Slug, Slim Thug, Nas, Paul Barman etc. I became quite fascinated with this nerd rap stuff, it's pretty neat. Not as neat as my locker though," Cedrick told us. "One day I thought to myself, hey this stuff is pretty nerdy like me, maybe I could jump on the bandwagon?" Cedrick pondered.

more...

Please note, if anyone is subscribed to the RSS feed for Blue Damage, it has recently changed to http://www.bluedamage.com/feed/.

The old address will continue to forward now, but, I'm not sure if it will in future versions.

It is quite hard to bridge the gap between this blog and the main website Blue Distortion, which deals mainly with art and music. However, this concept music does. Does your computer give you problems? Do you ever curse at your computer? Slap the side of the monitor? Pound on the keyboard with the rage and fury that only a spontaneous and unwanted reboot in the middle of something important can provoke? You are not alone.

Let's look at the flipside. Computers, they put up with a lot of crap from their users. They are forced to take in data that they might necessarily like, but, you push it on them like the bastard you are. When was the last time you did something nice for your computer? Maybe your computer hates you. A lot.

Random acts of computer violence. Theory? Science Fiction? What if we were to find out how computers really feel about us. Presented is an experimental noise tune mixed in with a little bit of comedy. Yes, experimental noise with a bit of humor attached. Some may find this song disturbing. In that case, you should listen to it over and over again.

Download | Hifi Stream | Lofi Stream

The lyrics. more...

One of our correspondents has received word on the street that the game pogs and collecting pogs is cool again. We interviewed Lance Gerns, 2003 Pog Champion of Tampa Bay, Florida, for more information on what experts are calling a "regression fad" like New Wave music.

more...

Another Bin Laden propaganda tape was released today to the world. There are apparently many things that have changed in the last few months with Bin Laden. The reason for Jihad is one of them. "Well, it loosely translates to we need more cowbell," said interpreter Gene Shalls after analyzing the new tape. Translators and our team of investigators have been working around the clock trying to find the cowbell connection. It appears that Bin Laden has abandoned his hatred for the West and channeled it into love for cowbell.

The new video is leaving many insurgents confused and strangely aroused. Apparently, in the Koran, a cowbell symbolizes male fertility, or at least that's what our investigators have found out. Already, across the Middle East, cowbell demand has gone up close to 1029%! That's a lot of cowbell. The caves in Afghanistan will certainly be reverberating with the most pleasant sounding musical instrument ever, that we can be thankful for.

Cats are the coolest pets of them all. Why you ask? Here's how it is. If each pet's personality matched the intoxication effects of a drug, dogs would be drunk, birds would be stoned, snakes would be on PCP, but cats are on acid. Cats will sit there and stare at a wall for hours. They way that they hunt their prey is awesome, whether it be a bird or a crumpled up piece of paper. It is very intriguing. Their eyes are hypnotizing.

more...

After the wonderfully successful tutorial on how to backup the internet, we decided to write an equally important tutorial on how to ping everyone on the internets.

Sure, you are surfing online without any problems now, but, just how do you know that you will be able to connect to every site on the internets? How can you be so sure in your ISP? One of the other great uses of the Windows command prompt is pinging everyone. That is, you can ping every site online to make sure you will be able to connect to it in the future, just in case.

more...